Friday, April 17, 2009

Fuck Me Gently With A Chainsaw

Alright, so yesterday I shot my first hardcore scene with Jeremy Roddick for Videoboys. I think it went pretty well, and by that I mean "We got off and I still can't feel anything below my waist".

Anyways, here's how it went down in this bitch. After getting my makeup done by Ian (I'm turning into a diva I tells yeah), we started off by doing a photo shoot, that basically had us miming the basic movements of the scene. If you think posing pictures is awkward enough, imagine doing it naked. With another naked dude beside who happens to be swinging some pipe.

Then came time for the actual filming. Jeremy was INCREDIBLY hot, and a perfect gentleman, but there was one tiny problem. Actually, tiny is kind of an ironic misnomer. Jeremy Roddick is fucking HUGE. Don't believe me? Behold, bitches. (Warning: PENIS)

DUDE IS PACKING NINE INCHES. Seriously, the first time I saw it face to face, I wasn't sure whether to suck it or feed it a peanut. Naturally, I went with the former. After that, it was rimjob time. I think the term "tossing my salad" would be an understatement. Jeremy didn't toss it so much as he Peyton Manning-ed that bitch 100 yards. I highly reccommend it.

Then came the fucking. All I can say is, I have a new found respect for woman who go through natural childbirth. It was like jamming a square peg in a round hole, if the square peg was roughly the size of a mid-size sedan. My first fuck-scene and I'm taking it from the guy who looks like he has a peninsula growing between his leg. A small colony of smurfs could live on the head alone. It hurt like a bad-mother-shut-yo-mouth, but then again, I am just talking about Jeremy Roddick's shaft, so I could dig it.

After three different positions of Jeremy jackhammering my brains out (literally. I think I left my occipital lobe on Ian's bedside stand), I shot my load, and then he flipped me over for the facial. Needless to say, Jeremy shot like a geyser, and I ended up sporting a There's Something About Mary. But sweet holy jeebus did it ever feel good.

So, a couple things I learned from my shoot:

1. RJ Danvers makes it look WAY easier than it actually is.

2. Always close your eyes during the cumshot.

3. Everyone should get fucked by Jeremy Roddick at least once in their life. Sure, you won't be able to walk afterwards, but it is SO worth it.


Rusty said...

I'd like to congratulate you on getting your first blogger content warning.

Glad to hear everything went well! And, you know, advil and some ice packs can help, speaking as someone who's also bitten off more than they could chew, in a sense.

Curtis Robert Tyree said...

HA HA HA...My first time ever was with a guy a little bigger than that...needless to say the 2 hour ride home the next day in a sports car wasn't that comfortable.

But glad you had fun you lucky bastard!

rjakes said...

Jeremy Roddick .. sweet

it'll be easier the second time .. here's hoping :)

Lord Thundercox said...

This is a sad day.

Only because I can no longer visit your blog from work anymore.

There's a "Family Guy" where some criminal who stabs people goes and stabs himself and says, "This is what I've been doing to people?! Why, that's awful!" or something like that.

That's how I feel when I read this. And I'm not even packing nine inches.

This is (part of) why I do not bottom.

meaux said...

Gosh...don't be so coy, buddy! We want details! *heehee* Sounds like quite a ride.

Yeah, I didn't even know blogger had content warnings before now.

Anna von Beaverplatz said...

That's alot of penis! Lucky boy. I'm so pleased for you! (I really am! I'm sitting here beaming like some sort of proud big sister.) That is the best kind of sore.

Matt the Great! said...

I told you Jeremy Roddick would be the perfect gentleman. Honestly, he was very concerned about hurting you. We talked at length about it (no pun intended). The meeting of the two Jeremys. It's exactly what I thought it would be. I've sure Jeremy and Ian will want you bacck again. I know the scene will turn out great.

Figgylicious said...


And wow...that is indeed a lot of peen. I'd be scared.

I feel so adult, getting my first blogger warning.

DeWayne In San Diego said...

Wow Jeremy now a Pornster and with Roddick no less! Sounds like it was a wild scene ,,so one question

When will you do a scene with Pierre?


Jeremy Feist said...

Rusty: Grabbed an Advil, but I didn't bother with the ice pack, because it just looked weird sitting on an ice pack.

CRT: A little sore, but thanks!

rjakes: Oh yeah, it was hard, but so good.

Thundercox: Hey, the fact that you're a top is just fine by me. *flirty eyes*

meaux: Ha! Well, I try to keep my going-ons very hush hush.

AVB: Oh honey, you better believe that's a lot of wangage. Seriously, it looks even bigger in person, and feels even better too.

Matt: Honestly, he really was a gentleman. Who said chivalry is dead? I couldn't ask for a better first scene partner.

Figgy: I won't lie: I was a little scared the first time I saw it. But whatever, I got over it.

DeWayne: Yup, it's been official for a week now, since I also did a scene for Squirtz too. Yay me!

Anonymous said...

That is one of the best written, witty blogs on here. Well done you, keep up the good writing.

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