Thursday, April 9, 2009

I'm A Porn Star. Surprise!

So, today I shot my very first porn scene. Hey, if you think that’s awkward to read, just imagine typing it. If there’s a natural way to tell someone that you have sex for money, I have not found it.

Anyways, you’re probably wondering how the fuck that worked out. I applied about a week ago after Matt pointed me out to the site. A phone call and some full-body shots later, I had a scene booked for Thursday for a solo scene. Basically, I was going to be doing the same thing I do on a regular basis, only now I would totally fucking bank on that shit.

I arrived at the apartment where Bruce shoots the scenes for Squirtz.com, and my first thought was “Aw shit, did I leave the oven on?” And then I stopped being OCD for five seconds and thought “Holy shit, there is a lot of movie equipment here”. Honestly, I never knew you could fit that many lights into an apartment without setting something on fire.

Bruce was the director of my scene, and he was a total sweetheart. He also had the patience of a saint, which is the only explanation for why he helped me through the whole scene instead of giving up half-way in to drink out of frustration. Although I guess seeing someone jack off in front of you is a pretty bitchin’ job perk. Ian Duncan from Videoboys was also there at the very beginning, and they also had a dog there, so you know I was totally on my knees trying to give him belly rubs.

I meant the dog, not Ian. Although I guess I wouldn’t mind giving Ian a belly rub.



Anyways, the first part was to flash my ID, which I think borders on cruelty. I know it’s vital to keep minors from being exploited, but all my ID photos look like total shit, and I’d rather have rusty knives jabbed under my finger nails than show off any piece of ID.

The second step was to take a bajillion and one nude-shots, which I think translates into about three photos of me where I don’t look like I’ve suffered from a concussion. What can I say, I have one doofy fucking smile.

Afterwards, Bruce turned on the camera, we did a little interview, and then I started jacking off. You’d think jacking off while someone tapes you would be awkward, but it was surprisingly easy. Honestly, it was like riding a bicycle, only you’re naked and fingering yourself and someone is getting it all on camera.

The weird part is, Bruce said the biggest trouble most models had was keeping it up. In my case, my problem wasn’t so much keeping it up, so much as it was actually crossing the finish line. Bruce asked me to cum in about five minutes, and all I could do was rub it out like I was trying to give myself rug burn. I’m usually a no-frills jacker, as compared to some people who turn masturbation into an X-Rated Cirque de Soleil, but even I can last longer than five minutes. I decided there was no choice but to fingerblast myself like it was going out of style.

The good news? It worked. The bad news? I may or may not have gotten some on his couch. Bruce, if you’re reading this, my bad! Just flip the cushion over, no one will notice. Anyways, a towel and several articles of clothing later, I was out the door a slightly richer person. Score! He also said the scene would be up on Monday, April 20th. Mark your calendars.

You know what? My first porn scene was actually a whole lot of fucking fun. I mean, this is something I’d practically be willing to pay to do, and instead, I’m getting money for it! How totally fucking cool is that? Anyways, it’s official: I’m Jeremy Feist, and I’m a gay porn star. Hells yeah, bitch.

10 comments:

Rusty said...

I know I've already sent you Twitter congratulations, but I figured I'd repeat the message here also.

…not sure that I'll be checking out your web premiere, but, you know, sending good vibes and support your way regardless!

Robert said...

I am speachless - I knew you when you were an innocent 18-year-old - now you are an adult entertainment star - is Matt The Great your manager?
There you go - it has been some journey - now you are Canada's Brent Corrigan. After all that I guess I am not speachless
x Robert

Lord Thundercox said...

What does his couch have that mine doesn't?

Seriously though, you are the third person this week to inform me -- directly or indirectly -- that he is joining "the industry" in some fashion.

meaux said...

Wow, congrats on your big nekkid debut! Like Rusty, I don't think I'll be checking it out (Watching strangers do that kind of stuff online can be fun and all, but watching friends do it? Little weird for me!), but you've got me rooting for you.

Julie said...

Wowzers. Somehow I missed all of this and thought your title was being facetious! You sound like you're having a good time which is all I could ask for, so good luck with everything!

I just got that random Julianne Moore quote from Boogie Nights in my head..."Aim for my stomach but cum on my tits." I'd say the same for you, but there are no boobies in your porn. :p

Figgylicious said...

Wow. You get more awesome witch each passing day.

Dropout! said...

Somehow I always knew this day would arrive, after all the time you've spent talking about your porn star friends. I gotta say, I'm a little jealous. I want to get paid to masturbate!

Anyways, congrats, and many more to come?

Sarah said...

Hee! I love that you just straight-up announced it without giving people any warning whatsoever. I also LOVE that I finally don't have to keep this a secret anymore! I'm with Genny & Meaux in that I won't be actually watching your starry debut, but I'm delighted for you just the same.

Matt the Great! said...

I'm proud of you, buddy! I knew they would love you. And for the record, I love your smile. Be sure to use it more :) I can see big things for you in the future (no pun intended).
Robert, I am not his manager, just a close friend who tries to give the best advice I can.

Jeremy Feist said...

Rusty: Thanks for the Twitter love!

Robert: Canada's Brent Corrigan? Awww, I'm flattered, thank you!

Thundercox: Hey, I can do it on you too if you want. And three people? What a week.

Meaux: Thanks for the support!

Julie: I wasn't being facetious, mostly because I don't know what that means. And we have boobies too, we just call them Pecs.

Figgy: Aw, Figs, thank you so much!

Dropout: Hopefully, there will be more to come!

Sarah: Yup! Now everyone knows. Yay! Thanks for everything, Sarah!

Matt: Yes yes yes, not to worry, I'm smiling! Chillax, bitch!