Hey, y'all remember that time I went on about that hernia I needed to have...um, de-herniaed? Yeah, that's probably not an actual word, but that's beside the point. Point is, I finally went into to have that fixed up.
The good news: I no longer have weird looking rips and swelling in my abdominal muscles.
The bad news: My torso is a lovely shade of pink, I'm covered in bandages (one of them currently rather bloody), my throat is still pretty sore from having an airtube shoved down it, and I feel vaguely like I just got hit by a truck.
Thankfully, to even this out I was given enough medication to effectively knock me out for a nice long while, including various painkillers, anti-bloaters and these weird little green ones that I'm told to take only when I "really need them".
Needless to say, I'm a bit wary of those little fuckers.
Since I need to take a week off until I get better, I'm spending it at the parental units' houses, catching up on the Cannonball Read. Thankfully, I brought enough books with me to tide me over, not to mention that I'm now spending a pretty substantial amount of time telling Tila Tequila to fuck off on Twitter.
Seriously, I really don't think you people understand how much I absolutely goddamn hate Tila Tequila. I'm not saying the world would be a substantially better place if Tila Tequila would just fucking kill herself already, but...Actually, yes, that is exactly what I'm saying. Tila Tequila needs to commit suicide for the good of the entire world.
Anyway, time to return to my routine of self-medication and reading. God bless Socialized Healthcare!
Showing posts with label Health. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Health. Show all posts
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Monday, March 23, 2009
On Getting Tested
So today I spent the day at the clinic getting tested for every conceivable STI I could think of. I'm not exactly a veteran when it comes to this, so it was more or less a day of taking various stabs in the dark.
After reading through various seven-year old copies of O Magazine, I got called in and took the mandatory questionnaire to see how risky I was. I'm glad to report, I'm what is classified as Low-Risk. For the record, I've never had bareback sex or taken any drugs (cigarettes don't count), so this was kind of a given. Still, hooray for condoms (And on a related note: Choke on it, Barebackers)!
First up was the urine test for syphilis and chlamydia. I've never actually had to take a urine test before, since I've never exactly been a very active person in any way, shape or form, so as you would expect, I fucked that up royally. I won't go into details, but let's just say I'm really not too great when it comes to taking one.
Next was the HIV blood test. I'm not exactly one of those people that's scared off by needles, but yeah, can't say I'm too thrilled by them either. All I can say is, WOW that's a lot of blood that comes out of you in so short a time.
After that it was off for a physical where I first found out that you could get chlamydia in the mouth. I mean, yes, I knew you could get herpes up there, but the clap? Jeebus H. I also found out that they make condoms specifically for this purpose, a product I can't really say I've ever seen before. While I'm a big believer in protected sex, I have to say, it seems a little...excessive. Mind you, there is no way in hell I'd ever let some guy fire one off in my mouth, but still, I would be lying if I said I won't think twice about oral next time.
With this new revelation handy, I decided to take what is referred to as a "Throat Culture". Basically, they grab a swab an dab it around the back of your throat. Kind unpleasant in a very "Okay, feel like I'm gonna puke" sorta way, but I was just a tiny bit freaked about that little ol' nugget of info.
Anyways, now begins the waiting period of two to three weeks while I wait for the results. I mean, I feel really healthy and all, but still, you never know. Anyways, just gonna shut up now before my neurosis goes into overdrive and I go all hypochondriac. For now, here's a super bitchin' mashup of the top 25 songs of 2008. Cheers!
After reading through various seven-year old copies of O Magazine, I got called in and took the mandatory questionnaire to see how risky I was. I'm glad to report, I'm what is classified as Low-Risk. For the record, I've never had bareback sex or taken any drugs (cigarettes don't count), so this was kind of a given. Still, hooray for condoms (And on a related note: Choke on it, Barebackers)!
First up was the urine test for syphilis and chlamydia. I've never actually had to take a urine test before, since I've never exactly been a very active person in any way, shape or form, so as you would expect, I fucked that up royally. I won't go into details, but let's just say I'm really not too great when it comes to taking one.
Next was the HIV blood test. I'm not exactly one of those people that's scared off by needles, but yeah, can't say I'm too thrilled by them either. All I can say is, WOW that's a lot of blood that comes out of you in so short a time.
After that it was off for a physical where I first found out that you could get chlamydia in the mouth. I mean, yes, I knew you could get herpes up there, but the clap? Jeebus H. I also found out that they make condoms specifically for this purpose, a product I can't really say I've ever seen before. While I'm a big believer in protected sex, I have to say, it seems a little...excessive. Mind you, there is no way in hell I'd ever let some guy fire one off in my mouth, but still, I would be lying if I said I won't think twice about oral next time.
With this new revelation handy, I decided to take what is referred to as a "Throat Culture". Basically, they grab a swab an dab it around the back of your throat. Kind unpleasant in a very "Okay, feel like I'm gonna puke" sorta way, but I was just a tiny bit freaked about that little ol' nugget of info.
Anyways, now begins the waiting period of two to three weeks while I wait for the results. I mean, I feel really healthy and all, but still, you never know. Anyways, just gonna shut up now before my neurosis goes into overdrive and I go all hypochondriac. For now, here's a super bitchin' mashup of the top 25 songs of 2008. Cheers!
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