Monday, June 30, 2008

Love The Tentacle

There's a reason I consider Futurama to be the greatest animated show to ever be aired. Several actually. The writing was subtly intelligent, the plotline never followed the traditional sitcom formula, but what really got me was the emotional depth that was instilled in the show. WHile this was present in early seasons of The Simpsons, and managed to work its way into one, count it, ONE FUCKING EPISODE of Family Guy.

Which is why it killed to watch Futurama's newest DVD movie, The Beast With A Million Backs. On it's own, it can be considered a legitimately good movie. But when you compare it to either the series, or even Bender's Big Score, it just falls flat.

The plot (one of its first problems) involves a tear in the fabric of space, which opens up new universe which no one wants to enter. Well as it turns out, the universe is inhabited by a monster with millions of tentacle penises, which leads me to believe this was written by a room full of horny japanese businessmen. The plot is simple, concise, and to the point. Which is why it is all wrong.

I fell in love with Bender's Big Score because the plot played out so beautifully, each scene, line and story melting into one another until the payoff at the end. The Million Backs, on the other hand, just feels like a brick, everything forced into one dense, solid lump. And while the jokes were funny enough (one scene involving Kip's parents made me shoot what I can only hope was milk out of my nose), it doesn't measure up with its predecessors.

It's ultimate downfall, however, is that overall, it just doesn't feel like the Futurama I remember. Futurama is the show I used to watch every Sunday night, the show I watched to destress, the show I watched with the door closed and the sound turned up while my parents fought in the other room. This isn't the same show.

That being said, it's still a pretty good movie. It's decently funny, the plot makes sense, and the voice acting is terriffic (Not much of a surprise, considering David Cross is in it). But overall, it just doesn't have the same emotional depth that the original had. The ending of both Jurassic Bark and The Devil's Hands Are Idle Play Things made me cry hysterically, and the Story of Fry and Leela actually followed Canon. The first DVD movie felt like reconnecting with an old friend, and revisiting the good old days. The Beast With A Million Backs feels like catching up on his life and finding out he's changed, and you're not sure if this is the same person you remember.

Sunday, June 22, 2008

It's Raining CDs (Hallelujah!)

I'm back at my Mom's house for the week. Yeah, divorced parents, I know, but on the plus side, I get two of every major holiday, so I think that kind of makes up for the devastating emotional and psychological damage.

I'm just saying.

Anyways, I ran out of room at my Dad's a while back (apparently, I'm only allowed ONE laundry basket for my CDs. Jerk.), so I started to bring them to Mom's, who has taken it upon herself to mount each one on the wall with sticky tack. I have to be honest, it looks really cool, but sticky tack doesn't exacty hold up too well, so for the past couple weeks, CDs have been falling in random intervals. It sounds like a dream, but (A) they're MY CDs, and (B) they keep breaking and it's REALLY loud. Beck's Guero and Against Me!'s New Wave fall the most often, although Nine Inch Nails' The Fragile falls pretty often too. I still say it was worth it, but I'm starting to find the whole "Waking up in the middle of the night to the sounds of shattering CD cases" bit kind of annoying.

I'm just saying.

Thursday, June 19, 2008

Yay! Music! Kind Of.

If the damn thing is actually working, you'll probably have noticed by now that the blog now has music. Well, sort of. Sometimes, it works, sometimes, it just kind of sits there loading... Always loading... WHY WON'T YOU WORK, DAMN IT!?!?!?

That being said, I'm pretty happy with it overall. I have music on my blog, and I didn't even have to pay a cent for some piece o' shit hosting site. Halle-fuckin'-lujah. Its legality may be questionable, but I'm just going to take what I can get.

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

I Graduated... Somehow...

Yup, it's official. I am now a high school graduate. Yeah, I'm confused to. I think there's been some sort of clerical error, but at this point, I'll just take it.

Anyways, with school out of the way, I'm now looking for a second job. Unfortuantely, there are few places for a recently graduated anglophone to work in Quebec. At this point, I'm probably just going to go to the mall with a machine gun full of resumes and fire them off at the stores.

Also, in sad news, Amanda, aka Alabamapink, is back in the big house fighting cancer. So head over to and send her some love.

Friday, June 13, 2008

Baldwins, Hiltons and Tequilas

I'm hoping those who read this blog (HA!) are well acquainted with Pajiba, right? Oh wait, that's right, no one reads this shit. Anyways, Pajiba is quite possibly the smartest site on the web right now, and guess who just one the Phallic Baldwin Award for Eloquent Eloquence? Anyways, I've been doing happy little victory laps around the house all morning, plus I'm getting a DVD copy of Alec Baldwin's best moments on SNL. This has been a good morning.

And on a side note, listen up fellow homos; we must band together and kill Perez Hilton. Yeah, I know, we've been talking about it forever, I know, but I've come to an agreement with Bi girl Kris over at Pajiba: We kill Perez Hilton, and the bi girls will kill Tila Tequila. It's like killing two birds with one stone, and by "birds" I mean "Classless Pseudo-Celebs Out Of Touch With Reality", and by "one stone", I mean "blunt objects".

Thursday, June 12, 2008

Still working on it...

Well, still working on getting the blog up and running. You'd think it would be easy but no, no it's not. In hindsight, I probably should have been paying attention during my high school programming class instead of going to Pajiba. Meh, who gives a fuck. Anyone know how to get some music going without having to fork over money for hosting sites? I mean seriously, $7 just to play some songs on a blog no one will ever read? Fuck that. So if anyone can lend me some code, and some instructions on what to do with it, you get a free hug.

...Because All The Cool Kids Are Doing It

Yup, there is now one more useless blog thrown into the internet. Whoo! To be honest, I'm not sure where to go from here. What the fuck do I know? Not much. Anyways, just to so I have someting up, here are some completely random things about me.

  • My name is Jeremy. I'm sure I have a last name, but last names are>
  • I have a huge coffee addiction. Which sounds cute until you realise I spend over $1000 a year on coffee.
  • I'm gay and no one seems to notice. I could probably ride down the street on a flaming unicorn and no one would say a word.
  • I've only ever had sex once. We met on Facebook and he never called me back afterwards. But that's okay because I faked it.
  • I also only ever had one kiss. But I was nine years old, and it wasn't so much a kiss as it was me and a girl smashing our faces together.
  • I'm 5'9 and 135(ish) and I still think I need to lose weight.
  • I am fucking petrified of love or anything that comes close to it.
  • I've never read a comic book, though my favourite comic book character is Catwoman, because I always wanted to wear the pants Halle Berry wore, and also because I want to steal a really big diamond.
  • The first album I ever bought was Metric's Old World, Underground, Where Are You Now? and it's still my favourite.
  • I can't look people in the eyes, and I have no idea why.
  • I'm flexible to the point that I can put my foot behind my head and I can... well, let's just say I can do things most guys only wish they could do.
  • I hate wearing socks that match.
  • I'm a member of The Church of the Holy Godtopus. We're still trying to set it up.
  • I can't resist buying things on sale, even though I'll never use them
  • I haven't watched or played Pokemon in eight years, and I can still name all 151 off by heart.
  • Whenever someone tells me how great The White Stripes are, I secretly think about murdering them in the face.
  • I want to work in at least one sexual job in my life because it would piss off my parents.
  • I showed up to my prom drunk. My teachers actually liked me better drunk.
  • I tend to avoid guys I like and I don't know why.
  • Peach is my favourite video game character of all time.