Sometime last night, I came to an incredibly important realization: No matter how much I wish it were otherwise, no matter how much I wish it were more, and no matter how much I wish I actually, truly deserved it, me and my pseudo-guy will never be boyfriends. Not unless he wants it.
Okay, back story: He came over last night to take me out for some drinks, as he apparently made a fuckload of money at Campus. As you would imagine, we had a couple drinks, went back to my place, watched Adventureland, then went to bed. As we lay in bed, eating cheeseburgers he had picked up from McDonald's, he turned to me and said this:
"You know Jeremy, you're the best friend I've had in a while"
It was at this point that I realized that I could never be more than just friends. Not that I don't want to, and not that I don't secretly wonder if I can make him happy in a more meaningful way or any of that shit, but it's the simple fact that, well, if I take him at his word, I'm the best friend he's had in a while. And I don't want to risk him losing his best friend just because I got greedy and decided I wanted more.
Maybe one day I'll find someone who actually really does love me*, and with whom I can be with for the rest of my life, but, well, until that day, at least I know that I have a good friend. And really, how rare is a good friend?
*I wouldn't hold my breath, though.
