Like A Virgin

I'm not exactly what you would call a proactive person. While I generally try to get as much done as possible within a given day, there's nothing I enjoy more than putting off unpleasant things until they eventually build up to the point where shit hits the fan and results in even more problems and I ultimately have to do way more work then if I just got off my lazy ass in the first place. It's a system, really. I'm happy with it.

That being said, when I want something, I get it. I may not be proactive, but I'm sure as hell stubborn. Point is, I tend to be a bitch in the sense that I like getting whatever I want and tend to get whatever I want pretty often. It's sort of like "The Secret", only instead of thinking happy thoughts, I actually fucking do something. (Seriously, happy thoughts? That's all it takes? Fuck "The Secret.")

This was the case with Canada's Next Top Pornstar. Sure, I lost a bit of weight in the hospital, not to mention that they didn't have a tanning bed in the building, and I still had a bit of a nasty scar. But fuck that shit; it was gonna take a hell of a lot more than being cut open and having my insides nipped and tucked to keep me from trying out.

So, having squeezed out a couple pushups, buzzing my hair into submission and scrubbing myself to a soapy sheen, I walked over to Stock for the audition. Considering that this was my first actual live audition, and I was going in with something of a handicap, I was a bit nervous. And by "a bit nervous", I mean my legs decided to suddenly turn into jello. I hadn't been that shook up since I lost my virginity...or when they decided to sell Cadbury Cream Eggs year round.

When I got there, I met the judges, one each from Falcon, Next Door and Colt Studios. As I stood there (legs still shaking) trying to figure out which one was the Simon Cowell, the Next Door Studios guy came over and told me where to fill out all the info and get my picture taken and blah and blah and blah boring formalities. He was nice, so I decided that he wasn't Simon. Maybe Randy or Paula.

The audition itself was...Easy, to be honest with you. It really only consisted of answering a few questions, stripping, doing a little model turn around, and then putting your clothes back on. For some reason, I was expecting a little bit more. Not that I'm complaining, but I was just assuming someone would hold a flaming hula hoop a couple feet off the ground and I would have to jump through it.

As you can see, I have absolutely no goddamn idea how auditions actually work.

The good news is, I only managed to embarrass myself once by dropping my cell phone (among other things) onstage, and I still managed to pass it off as an adorable quirk instead of me being a gigantic klutz. The other good news is that they all seemed to like me. To what extent, I have no idea, but still, considering I spent a week without solid food and I still look like I got stabbed in the stomach, I'll just take whatever I can get at this point.