The 3-Year Hernia

Here's a fun fact: I haven't had an actual doctor check up or anything like that since I was 13. Mind you, once I moved out I actually started to get regularly checked up, but since I never actually saw a freaking doctor during my teenage years (for which I'm sure there's a good reason...Probably,) I never got the massive freaking hernia on my crotch treated. As in, the massive freaking hernia on my crotch I've had for at least 3 GODDAMN YEARS.

Swell.

This is in no way helped by the fact that I have a fear of doctors exacerbated by both (A) a complete lack of seeing them for over half a decade, (B) The fact that this was one of the last thing's Clyde and I did, and (C) I fear of blood. But whatever, I'm biting the bullet and getting myself fixed up so that my bathing suit area will, for once, resemble that of a normal human being.

Awesomesauce.

Well Now This Is Pretty Cool

I'm taking a break from random "Best/Worst of the Year/Aughts" to share this little story with you guys: Remember that post I did about the Best Canceled Shows of the Aughts? Well today I got a comment from a woman named Stacey who wrote for the show thanking me for putting it on the list. Oh come on, how cool is that? Seriously, that is just TITS.

That is all.

Also, because I just wanna pack as much awesomesauce as I can into this post, here are The Pipettes covering 'All I Want For Christmas Is You'.

I Just Shit A Brick

HO. LEE. SHIT. This is either the greatest thing ever or the greatest best thing that God has ever given man on the face of the earth. THE CHOICE IS YOURS.

Also, it feature Jon Hamm in bed. Seriously, that's prime fantasy fuel right there.

I think Stace put it best in her review (which you can, and will, read here) when she said "The Room is a film that is just so fundamentally terrible in every single facet of its being that it somehow has transcended into a thing of wonder." Honestly, it may just be the most delightfully shitastic movie to ever be crapped out onto celluloid.

If Anyone Needs Me, I'll Be In The Fridge Next To The Chopped Liver

Well, tomorrow I move into my first apartment ever, and guess what? Not a single member of my family is helping me. Not one. Not my mother, not my father, and certainly not my brothers. In fact, my brother and my cousin arranged a party an hour or so up North, so that pretty much knocks all our friends off the list of "People Who Could Potentially Help Me Move" and onto the list of "People Who Can Pretty Much Go Suck A Hot Cock For All I Care".

Gee, thanks a fucking heap guys. No, really, glad to see where exactly I stand here. Suck my chode.

I know I should probably be sugar coating this considering that Mama Feist periodically comes to read this, but fuck it, I'm pretty pissed. And quite honestly, I think I have a right to be pissed. How many times have I helped her move? How many times have we helped other members of my family move? And look how much help I got in return. Awesome. Hell, the least they could have done was offer some fucking cutlery or something. Instead, I got my cookware FROM MY NEIGHBORS. And it's FUGLY.

But whatever, at least at the end of the day I'll know I did it on my own without help from anyone, so at least I have that hollow victory, right? Swell.

Ten Reasons Why Life is Fucking Awesome

www.nataliedee.com
Yeah, I know, kinda shamelessly ripped this off from Pants, but hey, I think things are pretty fucking awesome to, ya know! So without further ado...

#1: Hot Showers

It could be first thing in the fucking morning when you're so tired you can't even roll your ass out of bed, or after a long day where you smell like ass and death, but a hot shower is an instant pick me up, no matter what.

#2: My Dog, Kahlua

Every morning, she jumps up on my bed and begins to lick me like I'm made of Snausages and Steak 'Ems. Gross? A little. But adorable. Very, very adorable.

#3: Jack Daniels

Jack Daniels + Coke = Happy Juice! A few of these and I get a little...let's just call it "Friendly".

#4: 30 Rock

Tina Fey just has that innate ability to turn awkward, klutzy happenings and twist them in a way that will literally make you piss yourself laughing.

#5: Penis
'Nuff said.

#6: Horror Movies

Hey, sometimes you just need to be scared shitless. Granted, most horror flicks are kinda totally shite, but when they're good, they are GOOOOOD.

#7: Feist

...By which I mean the singer. I love her. Love love love love her. She has a voice that will completely wreck your shit and her music is a motherfucking force of nature.

#8: The Daily Show

The last thing I watch before bed, Jon Stewart is like some sort of bullshit-seeking missile, and he will fucking destroy you if you start acting like a stupid dickface.

#9: Writing

I wouldn't be doing this (almost) every day if I didn't totally love writing. It's my therapy, and if other people like it too, all the better.

#10: Awesome Fucking Friends

Of course, I have my friends in real life, and my internet friends, all of whom have seen me through some super batshit insane times. I love all of you more than you'll eve know. Thank you all for making life so motherfucking awesome.