I'm Going Away For The Weekend... Again.

Yup, two weeks in a row I have to spend my "Me Time" stuck in a small, uncomfortable room with my family. Hoo-fucking-ray. God, I thought I filled my Feel-Good-Family-Moment quota for the year, but nope. Anyways, I'm off to Kingston because my uncle is being promoted from Colonel to Lieutenant, and while I love him and am immensely proud of him, the fact that I have to sleep in an army bunk with my family for two days leaves me looking for something sharp with which to commit seppuku. And while spending my weekend with a bunch of hot guys in uniform souns appealing, you have to remember that (A) my life is more Woody Allen than Falcon Studios (and not the good Woody Allen either. It's more of the bad Scarlet Jo Woody Allen), and (B) cock-blocking is my family's favourite passtime. Anyways, while I'm off wishing that Fleet Week was based on truw events, here's something to tide you over until Saturday.

While I'm not one to toot my own horn, I've published my first piece over at Zombie Forecast, a helpful guide to fortresses during the impending Zombie Apocalypse. (Zombie Forecast)

Get ready to be extremely uncomfortable: Here's fourteen year old Ali Lohan meeting a porn director for an audition. And he has the word "Troll" on his shirt. You do the math. (BWE)

Either Erik Rhodes has a backwards tattoo, or I really am a complete re-re. Although it could just be both. (Slipping Away)

Hayden Pannewhogivesafuck shows us all how much she lover fans. (Galley Slaves)

Here's Ben "Yahtzee" Croshaw ripping apart E3. Why? I don't need a fucking reason why. (The Escapist)

That's all for now. See you bitches later.

Bite My Shiny Metal News On Bar Napkins.

The Emmy Nods are up, and you know what that means: Betting! Put me down for $500 on Tina Fey! (Pajiba)

Hayden Pane-...um... Hayden's new music video is up. I would make a joke about how crappy it is, but come on: She saved Dolphins! Consider this a warning... (WIMB)

Elton John has his own Ben & Jerry's flavour. It tastes like glitter, semen, and fabulousness. (Serious Eats)

Because Reality TV really is the bottom of the barrel, here are some moments so far below, you pretty much have to smash through the bottom and dig up the shit underneath. (Mollygood)

China has banned Bjork, claiming that she is a threat to national security. Oh come on, I liked Volta! It was a good album! (America Blog)