Some More Shit I Don't Get

How Bruno Gets An NC-17 While Straight Flicks Get An R

Hate to break it to anyone who thinks otherwise, but I have yet to encounter a legitimate argument as to how being gay is sinful. So far, they've all boiled down to "Well, I think gay sex is icky", which is pretty much on the same mental level of a kindergartner. So to the MPAA I say: Get the fuck off your high horse already. Basically, you're saying a movie can feature someone unloading enough lead into someone to write a textbook, but two dudes consummating their love for each other? Holy shit, everybody panic! Get over yourselves. Gay guys have been fucking each other in the ass since the dawn of time, and so far, the earth is still turning. Although to be fair, the sight of Tyler Saint in the theater may or may not incite me to catapult myself at the screen.

...Yeah, can you tell I don't have a shred of dignity to my name?

Nicolas Cage's Career

After a while, you start asking yourself how people have yet to notice that they've become a walking punchline. I'm sure he's done some pretty decent movies in the past (see: Adaptation), but now all his movies revolve around him running around with bad hair, and occasionally, punching women while dressed like a bear.
(Thanks to Cracked for being awesome)
Yup, that's right: Nicolas Cage has become a Lolcat. Get out while you still can!

Why People Don't Watch Their Goddamn Popcorn While It's Still In The Microwave

Dude, burnt popcorn is fucking DISGUSTING. It takes two friggin' minutes for it to pop, so just stand by it so that your snack doesn't turn into a fucking pile of charred suckness. No one wants to smell your nasty-ass, nasal-rapingly bad popcorn.

Shit I Don't Get 2: Electric Boogaloo

Vampire Weekend

Seriously, I can't be the only one who finds these guys to be boring and pretentious, am I? Yes, I bought the album back when it came out last spring, it's been on my iPod since then. I tried to like them, I really did. Christ almighty, with all the hype these guys got, I thought my iPod would explode out of sheer awesome. But no, all I got was a bunch of preppy ivy league kids singing adequite pop-rock songs. Yes, A-Punk was pretty good, but I don't care.

Prop 8

You know, last time I checked, when you wanted to get married, weren't you supposed to ask one person, instead of, oh I don't know, 36, 553, 215 people? Am I wrong? Tell me I'm wrong here. I mean really, it's 2008 here, there really is no excuse for people being this stupid. No on Prop 8 people. NO ON PROP 8.

Jensalecki Bashing




If this is wrong, I don't want to be right. Choke on it, Dustin.

Shit I Don't Get

Fanny Packs

What do you think is going through someones head when they throw one of these on? "Hmmmmmmm, my gunt isn't that noticable. Maybe if I throw this completely useless lump of fabric on my fupa...oh yeah, that's in no way completely repulsive. Come on kids, get in the minivan! We're going to Walmart to buy some Hannah Motana CDs!" Is it weird that everytime I see one of these, I'm reminded of that fake Tracy Jordan movie from 30 Rock? "You kids better stop...'CAUSE THIS HONKEY GRANDMA BE TRIPPIN'!"

Barebacking



Oh come on, it's 2008 for fuck's sake, haven't we realised that shit like this is the reason why HIV/AIDS is considered a global pandemic? Get your head out of your ass already. There are over 50,000 new cases of HIV per year in the US alone, and your complaining about one freakin' condom? Grow a pair. If you really think safe sex is boring, it's probably because you're doing it wrong. (For a better and sexier argument than mine, you can head over to How I Roll for more info.)

Megan Fox


Don't get me wrong, I don't really have anything against Megan Fox, but then again, I don't have anything for her either. I mean whoopee, you have a great body and you can hand in an average performance. But I mean really, I can't be the only one with Fox Fatigue here, can I? The girl is just so...boring, really. And is it just me, or does she always look like she's been covered in a thin layer of pam? She just has a weird sheen to her, I find.