No More Weekend Trips. Ever.

I'm back, bitches! After a total of five hours sitting in a car, wondering where the feeling in my ass went, I finally got back. We ended up staying in some house on a military compound, and since there weren't enough beds, guess who had to sleep on the floor? It's as uncomfortable as it sounds. But that's okay, because I've declared a moratorium on family trips. Anyways, I feel bad for ignoring it for this long, so I'm going all out and adding three two the nice list, and banishing two to the shit list. First the nice, then the shit.

Jon Stewart


I feel absolutely no shame in admitting that I watch the Daily Show religiously (The Colbert Show is great to, but you can't beat Jon). He's not on the list because he's got the sharpest wit on TV, or because he's a fucking genius, or even because the man is super-sexy-cute (admit it. You would let him hit it in a heartbeat). It's because unlike his "real" news counterparts, he's one of the few people who refuses to bullshit his audience. Sure, he bills himself as fake news, but let's face it: it's all fake news, he's just the only one honest about it.

Erik Rhodes


Yup, there are now two gay porn stars on the list. But this is my blog, so feel free to fuck off. Anyways, there are two reasons why Erik makes the list. #1, The man is jaw-droppingly hot. If you disagree, feel free to remove your eyes and hand them in to the closest research lab. #2, I may just have a teensy little addiction to his blog. Just a teensy one. What can I say? It's funny, honest, occasionally sad, and fuck it all if he doesn't have a pretty decent taste in music.

Tina Fey


I think any body who can write a script that is not only hysterically funny, but can actually make Lindsay Lohan seem talented deserves to be on the nice list. At this point, everything Tina touches turns to win: She was the only watchable part of SNL(Not counting Amy Poehler), she wrote and starred in Mean Girls, the only good high school movie of the new millenium, and she's the star of 30 fucking Rock. Even when she made the just okay Baby Mama, critics went easy on her because she was Tina Fey, and she could slice them into bits with her tongue alone. That's just how she rolls.

And now for the shitlist, it's a two-for-one deal!

Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag, AKA the Realitards


Behold: the physical maifestations of everything that is wrong with TV. Considering the sheer amount of reality TV that MTV has shoved down our gullets, I could have grabbed just about anybody for this, but no. I decided to grab the lowest of the low, from the one show that has consistently proven to be the single worst TV show on TV. Not only is watching "The Hills" like performing a frontal lobotomy on youself with a spoon, but it also stars these two, the reason people hate. For being spoiled, narcissistic, and general ass-hats, Mr. and Mrs. Realitard make the list

Shitlist Addition: The Hogans

Yup. All of them. They all make the shitlist. And here's why.

It all starts with Nick, who, back in November, was drag racing with his friends when he smashed into a tree, demolishing his Daddie's car, and oh, what was that other thing? Oh yeah, LEAVING HIS FRIEND BRAIN DEAD WITH A GIGANTIC CHUNK OF HIS HEAD MISSING. And just for shits and giggles, he also had a blood-alcohol level of .055.

Then his Daddie, Hulk Hogan, said that the victim was brain dead because it was God's Plan. Two things here: a) If you're God has a plan that involves having people have chunks of head missing, you're going to the wrong fucking church. And b) this is coming from the guy who had an affair with one of his Daughter's friends. And in case you're wondering, Linda got back at him by having an affair with another one of her daughter's friends.

And Brooke pretty much lands here by association. And for making shitty music. And having a shitty fashion sense. And for standing by her brother's actions. Dumb Bitch.

And so I dub thee, The Inbred Hillbillies, and sentence you to the Shitlist. I hope you all get supercrabs.

Ladies and Gentlemen: The Shitlist

Seeing as how the last couple posts have pretty much been flat out news, I decided to add a new feature to the blog: The Shitlist.

That sounds fascinating...at least in comparison to the rest of this textual abomination you call a blog. How does it work?

Thanks for asking. You see, I'm a blogger. Bloggers hate things. But some things annoy me so much that it physically hurts me to type their names. Therefore, when someone pisses me off by being an asshole of O'Reilly-esque proportions, they are added to the shitlist and given a codename befitting their general douchosity. So without further ado, here are the first three additions to The Shitlist

#1: The Succubus, AKA Paris Hilton


You knew this was coming, didn't you? I'm sure that somewhere deep, deep, deep, deep, deep, DEEP down, she's probably a decent person. But let's face it, Paris Hilton is everything that is wrong with the world. She's rich and famous because she allows herself to be a stereotype of a woman. She contributes nothing to society (aside from the occasional VD), yet demands respect from all those around her, despite not even attempting to earn it.

#2: Venom Vag, AKA Tila Tequila


Tila Tequila is, quite literally, a virus. First, she invaded the internet by fake friending everyone on Myspace. That bitch was more popular than Tom, for Fuck's sake. Then she parlayed her fake bisexuality into an MTV "Reality" show, where she pretends to love people for money. I can handle this. But the, she suddenly thinks that she was the reason that California allowed same-sex marriages.

...What?!

You have got to be kidding me. Has this bitch never heard of the Stonewall Riots? Matthew Shepherd? No, Tila thinks because she pretends to find people attractive, we get our basic human rights. Uh-huh, yeah, no. For being completely out of touch with reality, you're on the shitlist.