Sunday, August 3, 2008

No More Weekend Trips. Ever.

I'm back, bitches! After a total of five hours sitting in a car, wondering where the feeling in my ass went, I finally got back. We ended up staying in some house on a military compound, and since there weren't enough beds, guess who had to sleep on the floor? It's as uncomfortable as it sounds. But that's okay, because I've declared a moratorium on family trips. Anyways, I feel bad for ignoring it for this long, so I'm going all out and adding three two the nice list, and banishing two to the shit list. First the nice, then the shit.

Jon Stewart

I feel absolutely no shame in admitting that I watch the Daily Show religiously (The Colbert Show is great to, but you can't beat Jon). He's not on the list because he's got the sharpest wit on TV, or because he's a fucking genius, or even because the man is super-sexy-cute (admit it. You would let him hit it in a heartbeat). It's because unlike his "real" news counterparts, he's one of the few people who refuses to bullshit his audience. Sure, he bills himself as fake news, but let's face it: it's all fake news, he's just the only one honest about it.

Erik Rhodes

Yup, there are now two gay porn stars on the list. But this is my blog, so feel free to fuck off. Anyways, there are two reasons why Erik makes the list. #1, The man is jaw-droppingly hot. If you disagree, feel free to remove your eyes and hand them in to the closest research lab. #2, I may just have a teensy little addiction to his blog. Just a teensy one. What can I say? It's funny, honest, occasionally sad, and fuck it all if he doesn't have a pretty decent taste in music.

Tina Fey

I think any body who can write a script that is not only hysterically funny, but can actually make Lindsay Lohan seem talented deserves to be on the nice list. At this point, everything Tina touches turns to win: She was the only watchable part of SNL(Not counting Amy Poehler), she wrote and starred in Mean Girls, the only good high school movie of the new millenium, and she's the star of 30 fucking Rock. Even when she made the just okay Baby Mama, critics went easy on her because she was Tina Fey, and she could slice them into bits with her tongue alone. That's just how she rolls.

And now for the shitlist, it's a two-for-one deal!

Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag, AKA the Realitards

Behold: the physical maifestations of everything that is wrong with TV. Considering the sheer amount of reality TV that MTV has shoved down our gullets, I could have grabbed just about anybody for this, but no. I decided to grab the lowest of the low, from the one show that has consistently proven to be the single worst TV show on TV. Not only is watching "The Hills" like performing a frontal lobotomy on youself with a spoon, but it also stars these two, the reason people hate. For being spoiled, narcissistic, and general ass-hats, Mr. and Mrs. Realitard make the list

No comments: