Last night I watched Top Gun for the first time. Don't judge me bitch, I was at work, and my coworker brought the DVD and the player. It was all his idea, not mine, so bite me. Anyways, it wasn't a terrible movie, but it was... oh, how should I put it... Oh yeah.
GAY. REALLY, REALLY, GAY.
Yes, even by my gay, gay standards, this movie was gay. So to measure the gay magnitude (fagnitude, if you will) of this movie, I have created a list to measure this new level of gayness.
So to sum it up, Top Gun is gayer than:
- A Flaming Rainbow
- A Unicorn made of dildos
- Penis shaped mints
- Clay Aiken (My apologies to Stacey Nosek's Mom)
- Dustin's man crush on Ryan Reynolds (but not by much)
- The sane half of The Folsom Street Fair
- The 90's
- All six seasons of Sex and the City, except for the fourth one.
- Erik Rhodes in Drag
- Republicans (Look in your heart; you know it to be true)
- Lap Dogs
- Elton John's Glasses
- Brokeback Mountain (Both the story AND the movie)
- Assless chaps
- Matthew Rush's sexy, sexy goodness *salivate*
- Matthew Lush's unsexy, unsexy badness *shudder*
- A cosmopolitan bender
- A Queer as Folk marathon
- The Tony Awards
- Pierre Fitch in a Pink Pony Carriage...Oh wait...fuck.
- Leather hats
- Perez Hilton in Pink Pumps
- Madonna's dried up old cooter
- Gay sex
- The Isle of Lesbos
- Pride Flag Banana Hammocks
- Actual gay people