Sunday, September 28, 2008

You're So Gay, and You Don't Even Like Boys

Last night I watched Top Gun for the first time. Don't judge me bitch, I was at work, and my coworker brought the DVD and the player. It was all his idea, not mine, so bite me. Anyways, it wasn't a terrible movie, but it was... oh, how should I put it... Oh yeah.


Yes, even by my gay, gay standards, this movie was gay. So to measure the gay magnitude (fagnitude, if you will) of this movie, I have created a list to measure this new level of gayness.

So to sum it up, Top Gun is gayer than:

- A Flaming Rainbow

- A Unicorn made of dildos

- Penis shaped mints

- Clay Aiken (My apologies to Stacey Nosek's Mom)

- Dustin's man crush on Ryan Reynolds (but not by much)

- The sane half of The Folsom Street Fair

- The 90's

- All six seasons of Sex and the City, except for the fourth one.

- Erik Rhodes in Drag

- Republicans (Look in your heart; you know it to be true)

- Lap Dogs

- Elton John's Glasses

- Brokeback Mountain (Both the story AND the movie)

- Assless chaps

- Matthew Rush's sexy, sexy goodness *salivate*

- Matthew Lush's unsexy, unsexy badness *shudder*

- A cosmopolitan bender

- A Queer as Folk marathon

- The Tony Awards

- Pierre Fitch in a Pink Pony Carriage...Oh wait...fuck.

- Leather hats

- Perez Hilton in Pink Pumps

- Madonna's dried up old cooter

- Gay sex

- The Isle of Lesbos

- Pride Flag Banana Hammocks

- Actual gay people


Rusty said...

"It's completely gay. That is coming from a guy that voluntarily has sex with men!"

Sorry, this post just reminded me a little bit of that quote.

I still haven't seen Top Gun. I'm not sure I want to at this point, there's no way it can live up to my gay-spectations.

Anne said...

I just had this conversation with someone else lately...aren't all chaps, by definition, assless? I mean, if chaps had asses, wouldn't they just be crotchless pants? Whereas there are assless pants, which are just surreal...

Jeremy said...

rusty: Venture Brothers? I love it! And yeah, Top Gun is at a fagnitude you simply cannot fathom. It is far gayer than anything you could imagine.

anne: Technically, i don't have an ass, so all my pants are assless. This should not be confused with crotchless pants, which I TOTALLY have. It's not disappointing at all.

And yes, this is the first time I've ever actually commented on my own blog. I usually tried to avoid it cause it seemed borderline masturbatory, and I figured the nice thing would be to leave a comment on their blog in return, but I finally caved. Happy now?