Sunday, September 28, 2008

You're So Gay, and You Don't Even Like Boys

Last night I watched Top Gun for the first time. Don't judge me bitch, I was at work, and my coworker brought the DVD and the player. It was all his idea, not mine, so bite me. Anyways, it wasn't a terrible movie, but it was... oh, how should I put it... Oh yeah.

GAY. REALLY, REALLY, GAY.

Yes, even by my gay, gay standards, this movie was gay. So to measure the gay magnitude (fagnitude, if you will) of this movie, I have created a list to measure this new level of gayness.

So to sum it up, Top Gun is gayer than:

- A Flaming Rainbow

- A Unicorn made of dildos

- Penis shaped mints


- Clay Aiken (My apologies to Stacey Nosek's Mom)

- Dustin's man crush on Ryan Reynolds (but not by much)

- The sane half of The Folsom Street Fair

- The 90's

- All six seasons of Sex and the City, except for the fourth one.

- Erik Rhodes in Drag

- Republicans (Look in your heart; you know it to be true)

- Lap Dogs

- Elton John's Glasses

- Brokeback Mountain (Both the story AND the movie)

- Assless chaps

- Matthew Rush's sexy, sexy goodness *salivate*

- Matthew Lush's unsexy, unsexy badness *shudder*

- A cosmopolitan bender

- A Queer as Folk marathon

- The Tony Awards

- Pierre Fitch in a Pink Pony Carriage...Oh wait...fuck.

- Leather hats

- Perez Hilton in Pink Pumps

- Madonna's dried up old cooter

- Gay sex

- The Isle of Lesbos

- Pride Flag Banana Hammocks

- Actual gay people

3 comments:

Rusty said...

"It's completely gay. That is coming from a guy that voluntarily has sex with men!"

Sorry, this post just reminded me a little bit of that quote.

I still haven't seen Top Gun. I'm not sure I want to at this point, there's no way it can live up to my gay-spectations.

Anne said...

I just had this conversation with someone else lately...aren't all chaps, by definition, assless? I mean, if chaps had asses, wouldn't they just be crotchless pants? Whereas there are assless pants, which are just surreal...

Jeremy said...

rusty: Venture Brothers? I love it! And yeah, Top Gun is at a fagnitude you simply cannot fathom. It is far gayer than anything you could imagine.

anne: Technically, i don't have an ass, so all my pants are assless. This should not be confused with crotchless pants, which I TOTALLY have. It's not disappointing at all.

And yes, this is the first time I've ever actually commented on my own blog. I usually tried to avoid it cause it seemed borderline masturbatory, and I figured the nice thing would be to leave a comment on their blog in return, but I finally caved. Happy now?