Friday, November 13, 2009


Ladies and Gentlemen, lend me your ears...Or, you know, eyes, considering that this is primarily a visual medium. Whatever, you get the idea. Just lend me part of your body for like, five minutes and then it's all yours.

Anyhoo, it's time for me to get all serious and shit about getting big-name studio work down in the states. I mean the good ones too: Titan, Falcon, Channel 1, Raging Stallion...The top shelf stuff, really. You know I've been busting my ass on the social-networking front to get my name out there, what with the blogging, Twittering and Facebook(ing?) but now it's your turn! Sort of. Anyway, I sent applications to all the top studios out there, and now here's where you come in: You gotta convince them that my ass is literally hiring. How you may ask? Simple.

What You Should Do:
  • Spam them with #HireJeremyFeist on Twitter
  • Post on their wall on Facebook
  • Do whatever it is people do on Myspace, assuming that's actually still around
  • If possible, start a letter drive
  • Send them a nice muffin basket with a card that says something good about me
  • Eat an entire batch of Pillsbury Sugar Cookies in one sitting. This won't actually help me, although they are delicious and you'll probably like them too.
What You Shouldn't Do:
  • Send them letterbombs
  • Go to their house in the middle of the night and key my name in their car
  • Threaten to cook and devour your cat if they don't hire me like that crazy bitch who likes Miley Cyrus
  • Cut off the head of their significant other, put it in a box and get them to drive out to the middle of the desert, where they will ask "WHAT'S IN THE BOX?" before you show them, thus exposing their sin of wrath...Oh, wait, no that one was actually the ending to Se7en. Still, don't do that. That's bad.
What's in it for you? Well, if this entire crazy bit of shenanigans works, I will get this tattooed on me.
Mind you, I'm still debating between this on my other ankle, or getting the Whiskey-Baby-Ninja-Star on my forearm...Either way, do it and I'll mark myself permanently in your honour. Get crackin', y'all.


Anonymous said...

you did NOT just spoil se7en for me!

Jeremy Feist said...

Sorry...*Spoiler Alert!*