Wherein I Ride Atop My High Horse

Glurg. Consider this my big, stupid holier than thou rant about barebacking in porn, fueled by a heady mix of job frustration, a seemingly perpetual hangover, and a toilet that refuses to refill properly because the stupid little plug in the tank refuses to reenter the drainage hole. Or something. I'm a crap plumber. Once again, Glurg.

Anyway, here be my dilemma: The other day someone pretty much asked me out of the blue if I had ever gotten creamed. Since you're probably wondering, yes, this means exactly what you think it means. On top of being just a teensy bit inappropriate, the simple fact is I don't believe in barebacking in porn. No thanks, not for me, I'll just be on my way thank you ever so much.

Mind you, I'm not perfect. I have barebacked with a guy once, and to be perfectly honest with you? Can't say I see the appeal. Granted we took precautions to make sure that while it wasn't as safe as I would have liked it to be, it still didn't end up as badly as it could have. I'm still to this day clean as a whistle, and barring that indiscretion, I've been a good little bottom ever since.

Anyway, point is me? Doin' it without a condom? That's not happening. Despite their protestations, bareback porn does romanticize unsafe sex. Let's face it: Porn romanticizes whatever form of sex your hankering for, and no, this isn't an exception. And honestly, it really is unfair to the models who are doing it. It's basically like saying "My need to jackoff is greater than your need to be safe". Kind of a dickish maneuver there, homeskillet.

The sad thing is, I could totally clean up in that shit. Honestly, from what I heard they're less than choosy, and the pay isn't too shabbs either. It's more a matter of me just not wanting to put myself through it. Apparently, I still have standards or something. Who knew?

It also doesn't help that my gay uncle pretty much told me that if I ever did do bareback, he would have me killed. Then he would bring me back to life and then Mama Feist would kill me. I'm not joking. The woman will beat me like a rented mule if I ever do it. She will hunt me down, pin me to the ground like a redheaded stepchild. Don't fuck with Mama Feist.

Point is, we're just not at the point where barebacking is a realistic and safe practice. It's not some big matter of gay or straight or man or woman because let's fucking face it, anyone can catch pretty much anything. And it's not a matter of furthering the stigma of HIV, because a lot of people are still pretty ignorant about that (listening to the ways some people think you get HIV borders on soul-crushing), but that's a topic for another hangover blog. It's just about me not wanting to do bareback, even if it means basically settling for less money in exchange for good health.

Anyway, rant over. Would someone mind helping me down off my high horse?

And just for shits and giggles, here's The Arcade Fire covering the Yeah Yeah Yeahs' "Maps", because I fucking love you.