Friday, September 18, 2009
It's Not Me, It's You
You know what? I think I'm done with this weepy emo "Waaaaah what's wrong with me" bullshit. I've come to the realization that, not only do I fucking love myself, but I think I'm pretty goddamn awesome, and anyone who says otherwise should just take a chainsaw to their own faces, because they are obviously to stupid to function.
For the past five months, I've been asking myself "What's wrong with me? What don't people like about me?" And yesterday, I had what can really only be described as one of the most insulting and humiliating moments at work ever. And you know what? I lived through it. The world didn't end, I didn't spontaneously combust into flames of suckiness, and as far as I can tell, I'm pretty fucking happy right now.
As it turns out, you can really only ask yourself "What's wrong with me?" so many times before you sit down and say "Hmmm, maybe it's just them". I mean yes, it sucks when people don't like you, and it sucks when people say shit about you or just generally feed you bullshit on a constant level. Hell, I've had someone call me "Violently Unattractive" on a blog. Not just unattractive, but VIOLENTLY so. As if the mere sight of me would cause him to plow his truck through a crowd of people. Not only is this thought completely fucking stupid, but quite frankly, I think he's wrong and wouldn't know awesome if it roundhouse kicked him in the teeth and then fucked his cat in the ass.
Point is, it's not my goddamn fault you suck so much. No, I don't have muscles all over the friggin' place, I'm not basking in my untold riches, I don't wear fancy bullshit designer clothes and I sure as hell don't walk around smiling all fucking day for your entertainment like some sort of perma-high fucktard. Don't like it? Too fucking bad. I'm pretty fucking awesome, and if you're too stupid to see that, you might want to consider padding all the corners in your house and putting safety gates next to all the stairs for your own safety, else Darwinism knocks your dumbass of the face of the planet.
In conclusion, I'm fucking awesome and so are you. If you think differently, go suck a fuck.