Things I Learned In One Week of Gossip Blogging

#10: Despite what CNN would have you think, there is not NEARLY enough news to last for 24 hours. Hell, there's barely enough news to cover five posts (plus Snaps, naturally).

#9: Gossip tends to be overwhelmingly about women, rather than men, even though they tend to do the exact same shit. Because everything is wrong if you have ovaries. High Five!

#8: Lady Gaga does, in fact, have a vagina. If you give a shit, congratulations! You have no life whatsoever!

#7: Theoretically speaking, if Paris Hilton never existed, the resulting space could be used for something better. Like Candy. Or puppies. We need to snuff Paris Hilton out of existent.

#6: While it is totally okay for people to mistake Zooey Deschanel for Katy Perry, never mistake Katy Perry for Zooey Deschanel, or she will turn into a total fucking bitch. Well, more than usual.

#5: Woman simply adore Chris Rockway. A lot. I'm assuming it has something to do with his abs.
#4: Apparently, all you need to do to become King of a democracy is to change your name so "King". Because that's how both Monarchies AND democracies work.

#3: Everyone hates Heidi Montag. Everyone. Even the people they pay to like her secretly hope she dies of chlamydia.

#2: People will not let go of the whole Michael Jackson thing. Seriously, he's dead. Let the guy pass away with a little fucking dignity here.

#1: Eli Roth is grade-A fuckmeat.