Wednesday, April 14, 2010

An Open Letter To Sarah Palin

Dear crazy librarian lady who won't shut the fuck up Sarah Palin,

Hiya! You probably don't know who I am, although I can't really blame you since you probably don't have the mental capacity remember your own name without reading it off the palm of your hand. But I digress. My name is Jeremy Feist, and I'm from Canada, or as you probably call it, "America's Hat". Or "Where all my cheap Valium comes from".

Listen, I know at this point you've pretty much lost any and all pretense of being a serious politician, or of being anything at all that requires some level of competence, self-respect or accomplishment, but here's the thing: there's a difference between "making a point" and "Being a spiteful, vindictive jack-off". Guess which category you fall under? Here's a hint: It's the one that makes you look batshit crazy.

I know you were elected into office, which means that by law you're now obligated to be hypocritical to a fault. That being said, to pinpoint houses of your political enemies using sniper targets and using gun terminology when discussing political strategy when you are consciously aware that a small, albeit crazy faction of your supporters might misconstrue that in a violent light? This is one of those things that you should really consider NEVER doing. I'm not sure what's worse: that you hunt wolves from a fucking helicopter or that we nearly elected to the office of the vice-president someone who's main hobby is murdering things.

And about your staunch opposition to universal health care...Yeah, there actually does exist an America with universal health care. And gay marriage. And a pro-choice stance on abortion. It's called Canada. And so far, we have not followed our Hitler-mustachioed Obama overlords into socialist work factories while the Deathpanels killed our grannies. Actually, we're doing pretty good for ourselves. Actually, as of this writing our dollars are pretty much on par. Maybe a tad over, but who's counting?

I guess the thing that really annoys me about you is that, well, you're just a fucking poison. You're poison to the American political debate. Remember back when Lincoln delivered the Gettysburg address? Well, now we've gotten to the point where you get into a feud with fucking "Family Guy". On your Facebook page. I know not every political speech can be a winner right out of the gate, but I think we can all agree that something has gone very wrong when you're telling your followers to pull over anyone with an Obama bumper sticker and ask the owner of the car "How's that whole Hopey-Changey stuff is working for ya?"

To them I say, "Pretty good so far. How's that whole "4 term governorship" working for ya?"

In conclusion: Please never do anything ever again. For the sake of humanity, PLEASE. Don't.

Fuck you whore My Respects,

Jeremy Feist

P.S. Get over it. It's "Family Guy" for Christ's sake. It stopped being funny after the third season.

1 comment:

Jaison S. said...

Damn! You ripped her a new one!