Friday, December 18, 2009

The 10 Most Irritating Songs of 2009

#10 - Mariah Carey, Obsessed
Say what you will, but everyone knows that Mariah has one hell of an octave range, so it confuses me why she feels the need to rely on it like a crutch. I'm guessing it's there to distract people from the D-Grade insults she tosses out at Great White Nope Eminem.

#9 - Britney Spears, 3

Circus pretty much marked a creative wall for Britney. Sure, her songs dealt with sex before, but her latest album marked the moment when Britney started exclusively relying on manufactured controversy rather than the (admittedly little) talent she actually has.

#8 - Jordin Sparks, Battlefield

Oooooo, yay! I love this song! Heartache to heartache, right? No? You mean this is just a crappy R&B number that apes off another more successful song while Sparks strains her already weak-voice to an uncomfortable and almost constant breaking point? Bummer.

#7 - Nickelback, If Today Was Your Last Day

Any Nickelback song from this year could have been on the list. Why? Because each one is completely and totally indistinguishable from one another. No band has ever made as much money by beating a dead horse as Nickelback has.

#6 - Pitbull, I Know You Want Me
Granted, a lot of artists tend to lose their vocals in the production, and sometimes they even pull it off (See: The Strokes, Kylie Minogue), but in the case of Pitbull the backing track is so mind-bogglingly awful that his voice doesn't so much meld as it does wallow.

#5 - Eminem, We Made You

Ever watch a movie as a kid and think it was the funniest thing in the world, then watch it five years later and realize that is was, in fact, absolute shit? Such is the case with Eminem. Not only was the song a shameless rehash, but in it's attempt to be topical, it ended up sounding like a bad Jay Leno monologue from two months prior.

#4 - Flo Rida, Right Round

No. There is absolutely no goddamn reason why we need anyone (let alone someone who named themselves after a state populated by retirees and tourists) recording an auto-tuned rendition of Dead or Alive's You Spin Me Round (Like a Record).

#3 - Black Eyed Peas, Boom Boom Pow

Let's see here...Ridiculously lazy beat? Check. Needless use of Auto-Tune? Check. Somehow getting Fergie to oversing parts that are meant to be oversung in the first place? Yup. It's gonna take a special kind of suck to top this.

#2 - Miley Cyrus, Party In The U.S.A.
...Aaaaaaaand we have our runner-up. I initially dismissed this song based on it's title, which borders on self-parody, but after actually listening to it...Well, even if you dismiss the poser-heavy lyrics, Miley's nasal-drone and half-assed guitars don't exactly do it any favours.

#1 - Asher Roth, I Love College

Oh Roth...You may have flown under most people's radars, becoming a modest success, but nothing draws scorn like cashing in off a song that celebrates the most vapid, self-absorbed aspects of College while pushing the "Privileged White Boy" schtick down our throats. If this song was a person, it would have a popped collar, an Ed Hardy Hat and it would be roofie-ing your Jungle Juice. Listening to this song should be grounds for chemical castration. It really is just that awful.

1 comment:

Rae at 24:01 A.M. said...

I completely agree! I liked about 2 of those songs on your list at the beginning, but they are so overplayed that I cannot stand any of them.