Thursday, December 3, 2009
Cannonball Read Entry #7: You Suck! - Christopher Moore
Christopher? Sweetheart? We need to have a talk.
Listen, I think you're a great guy. I really do. I've read all your books and you have the whip-smart, hysterical and sarcastic writing style that seems to be all but missing from literature today. You have empathetic characters, deeply emotional story lines that never delve into schmaltz, and you make me laugh.
But we have to talk about You Suck here. Listen, I think it's great that you decided to write a sequel to 1995's Bloodsucking Fiends for your fans. I think it's great that this time around, you let Jody bring her boyfriend Tommy into the fold. And it was sweet of you to let them work through their issues together while contending with the head-vampire and a demonic blue hooker.
But here's the thing: You might be falling just a bit too much in love with your own writing. I know a lot of people love your writing, and for good reason. But enough with the winks and nudges. Enough with the character's that forgo common sense or realism for a quick laugh. Look, if we wanted a bad joke that doesn't have anything to do with the actual plot, we'd watch Family Guy.
And as much as we wanted a sequel to Bloodsucking Fiends...Well, you're trying to write a sequel to a book published twelve-years ago. You can't just magically pull a bunch of previously unmentioned technology out of your ass when you're trying to connect to connect two books over a decade apart from each other. And for God's sake, would it kill you to tone down Abby a bit? Christ, I think the poor girl was barely a wrung up on the annoying-side-kick ladder from Jar Jar Binks.
I like you, I really do. And You Suck was still an immensely enjoyable read that for all its flaws is still funny and irreverent in a time where people are gleefully content to scrape the bottom of the barrel. But please, stop with the all-too-self-conscious act already. Masturbation is fun, but if you're going to do it in front of an audience, it wouldn't kill you to let others in on the act as well, would it?