Are You Scared? Well That's Just Fine

Anybody who knows me is well aware of the fact that I am a lil ball of neurosis. You'd figure having three brothers would have toughen me up/dumbed me down, but not so, apparently. Since it's Halloween, I figured I'd go through some of my weirder fears.

My Alarm Clock

This may just be the innate slacker in me, but nothing scares me quite like the sound of my alarm clock. The weird thing is, I have two different alarm clocks (one for each house), but only one of them is capable of filling me with gut-wrenching terror. Hear me out on this one: I'm in the dark, sound asleep, when suddenly, the soft buzz/beep. And it just keeps getting louder and louder like one of those horror movie monsters that just endlessly shuffles towards you while you lay bleeding in a ditch with both your legs broken. Now, imagine this five times a fucking week. Now THAT is fucking horror.

Zac Efron


Holy Christ, does he ever scare me. Now, for any of the lil tweener girls/twink-loving men out there still writing "Mrs. Zac Efron" on their trapper-keeper, please don't come banging on my door with pitchforks and torches, please don't twist my words around here; He could be the nicest guy in the world for all I know. It's just that, well, when I was a kid, I had these nightmares of Mannequines coming to life, and ever since, I've been terrified of them. Zac Efron just happens to be the physical mannifestation of all me childhood fears. Coincidently, I'm also pants-shittingly afraid of Brent Corrigan. Although there are a few other reasons for that.

Spiders

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO. OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH MY GOD DO THESE THINGS SCARE ME. I have no idea what it is exactly. I mean, there are the legs.

And the eyes.

And the fangs.

And the hair.

And that weird lil hissy thing they do where they rear back and raise their evil little spider arms and bare their fangs.

Seriously, why the hell did God make spiders?

Meh. To lead you out, here's the Marylin Manson cover of "This is Halloween", which I've listened to something around 97 times today. Happy Halloween, y'all!