Thursday, December 4, 2008

I'm So Sick And Tired Of The Shit On The Radio

Since the Grammy nods are up, and for once, they're surprisingly not totally awful. So in honour of the best (relatively speaking), here's the worst of 2008. Ladies and Gentlemen, The Most Annoying Fucking Songs of 2008. May Godtopus have mercy on your soul.

10. Danity Kane - Damaged

I honestly had no idea who these people were until they started playing this dreck ad nauseum on the radio. "Do you have a first aid kit handy?" If I did, I'd probably be using it to stop the bleeding in my ears. On the plus side, two of them have left the group, to which I say, BAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

9. Fall Out Boy - I Don't Care

Okay, I've already gone over this one, and I stand by everything I said. Go read Twilight, you whiny emo twats. Oh, Spaghetti Cat, I really do weep for you.

8. David Archuleta - Crush

Oh look, it's Clay Aiken light! I actually didn't bother watching American Idol, but the guy to whom I gave my v-chip, and who, by the way, NEVER CALLED ME BACK, totally did, and he was rooting for him. So it makes me happy to see that he didn't win. Oh, and to said asshole: you have a tiny penis and I faked it. Bitch.

7. Flo Rida - Low

This is pretty much the Soulja Boi of 2008 (Soulja Boi being the Chamillionaire of 2007). Congratulations on helping inundate the market with generic, overproduced hip-hop.

6. Miley Cyrus - 7 Things

"Hmmm, we have a song sung by Hannah Montana about the gay Jonas Brother...How can we douche this thing up a notch?"
"How about we get Brett Ratner to direct the video?"
I wish I was kidding.

5. Pussycat Dolls - When I Grow Up

Do you honestly not see the irony in a bunch of lipsyncing femme-bots doing a song about the illusion of fame, which was written by someone else? And weren't there six of them before? And didn't they have a contest to add another one? I'm staring to think the girls have turned to cannibalism.

4. Girlicious - Stupid Shit

I was forced to watch this show, since I share a house with three other boys who, unlike me, go shitty for the titty. All I can say, imagine what would happen if The Pussycat Dolls got worse. And they all ate another one of the members, so that there was only four of them. That's the basic concept, really.

3. Madonna feat. Justin Timberlake - Four Minutes

Here's a fun fact: If you listen very closely watching the video, you can actually hear Madonna's vajooter creaking like a rusty gate. That's all I'll say about Madonna, because I'm afraid she will beat me to death with her veiny-ass, roided up arms.

2. The Jonas Brothers - The Love Bug

First of all, you're just Hanson with dye jobs and skinny jeans. Second, Fuck you. Third, Fuck you. Fourth, even Miley Cyrus dumped your little bitch asses, and you have to be a special kind of pathetic to get dumped by Hannah Montana. Fifth, Fuck you.

1. Katy Perry - I Kissed a Girl

Just die already. A lot of people think you look like Zooey Deschanel, but here's the difference: She's TALENTED, you're not. Let's look at the evidence. The one on top is Zooey Deschanel with She & Him, the bottom is Katy Perry being a Scuzzy lil' Hoebutt. Observe.

Choke on it.


Marra Alane said...

Jeremy, as always, you have excellent taste. However, you can't deny that the intro to that vagitron3.0/Mamma'sBoy McAssHat song kicks ass. And perhaps they suck balls, but the pussycat dolls and Miley Cyrus are great for cardio.

David Arugula, though? I forgot he existed until you mentioned him just now.

Robert said...

x Robert

Jeremy Feist said...

Marra: I know, you're right! As much as I love Feist and Wilco and all them, you cannot fucking dance to them! Robyn I think is the only truly good indie artist for working out.

Robert: Sorry darling, but as you can tell from the Jukebox, I have much distain for the mainstream. Except for the Nelly Furtado remix, which has the magic ability to make my pants fall around my ankles.