The 20 Biggest Douchebags of 2008, Part 1: 20-11

20. ABC

It takes a lot to wrestle the crown of douchebaggery away from Fox, but congrats to ABC on pulling it off! In one year, you've cancelled Pushing Daisies and Dirty Sexy Money, kept Private Practice and According To Jim on the air, and fired a cast member on Grey's Anatomy for playing gay. Way to ruin television, jackoffs.

19. Purity Ring Wearers

First off, scientific studies have already shown that abstinence-only programs only increase rates of unsafe-sex, and have very little realistic or healthy impact on attitudes toward sex (Google it if you doubt it). Second, there are few people more self-important and up their own ass than people who wear these. Case in point:

But she's right: it isn't wrong to wear a promise ring. It IS, however, bad to be a pretentious, self-righteous cunt about it. Considering her attitude, I wouldn't be surprised if she remains a virgin until death.

18. Katherine Heigl

Here's to you, Skank Cancer, on another year of rainbow killing, puppy eating, chain smoking and hand biting, ya friggin' dickhead!

17. Heidi Montag & Spencer Pratt

You gotta hand it to them: never has there been such a strong argument against Darwinism than these two. How neither of them haven't died in a horrific, stupidity-related accident is a mystery on par with The Bermuda Triangle, or how many licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie-pop.

16. Stephanie Meyers

I'll level with you here: I never read through a single one of these books. I got through twenty pages of Twilight, only to close it back up, throw it in the fireplace, and curl up in the fetal position. I can honestly say that I've never read through such a disastrously written book. And I've read The Da Vinci Code, for eff's sake!

15. Miley Cyrus

Remember that bitchy girl from high school who had her daddy buy her everyting she wanted and fucked anything with two legs and a schlong? Imagine her as a celebrity, and you got Miley Cyrus. So here's to you, Miley, and all your backwoods, nude photo taking, Selina Gomez and Demi Lovato bashing fabulousness!

14. Prioleau Alexander

A while back, Sarah did a review of his book, You Want Fries With That? for Pajiba. Now, the site advertises itself as "Scathing Reviews For Bitchy People", so you have to figure what you're getting into here. So of course, it wasn't exactly glowing. Now, he could have taken the whole thing in stride, been a good sport about it, and taken the review for what it was: subjective opinion meant to express a well-thought out view point. But no, he threw a hissy fit, and Sarah got over 35 calls, in which she was threatened, and told strangled, run over in a humvee, and sodomized with a shotgun. Maybe if you learned to laugh at yourself, you would be able to write better humour.

13. The Ladies of Jezebel, Tracie Egan & Moe Tkacik (And Lizz Winstead)

There's a fine line between being subversive and just being an idiot. Case in point: The Jezebel girls' appearance on Lizz Winstead's Thinkin' and Drinkin', where they extolled these Feminist jems:

Tracie: "...I know it's an irresponsible thing to day, but it's (Pulling Out) The Most Fun Way Not To Get Pregnant"

Or how about this one:

Moe: "I guess third guy, I ever had sex with, date raped me, and I got very mad at him, but I wasn't gonna fucking like turn him in to the police and fucking go through shit..

Lizz interrupts: "Why not, you see that's the problem, why not, I am just curious?"

Moe: Because it was a load of trouble and I had better things to do, like drinking more."

Sex is a part of being a woman, but the way they discuss it makes me think that these girls may be little more than Chauvinists in Women's clothing.

[Update (7:56, December 14th): Alright, thanks to Pants for the second story. What Winstead may have been rather baiting and reprehensible, but fact of the matter is, Moe and Tracie are role models for young women. They should have known better than to wander on stage as drunk as they were (I find a slight buzz usually puts me at ease for debate) and talk about such a weighted topic in such a state. Although to be fair, Winstead knew they were in no position to give a lucid, valid argument. With this information, I've decided to add Lizz Winstead in with them at #13, for inciting a petty, juvenile catfight.]

12. Sean Avery

How can someone so hot be such a douche? I never actually watch hockey (unless The Canadians look like they might win The Cup), but even I know that when they actually have to create a rule over some dick move you pulled on the ice, you've fucked up. And just to top that one, he recently approached some reporters and referred to his ex-girlfriend, Elisha Cuthbert as "Sloppy Seconds". As you can see, there's a reason why he's a hockey player and not a writer.

11. Tila Tequila

Jeebus, I really do hate Tila Tequila. It's bad enough that she's worming her way through the interwebs, but I also have to sit through the dreck she shovels onto us on MTV (3 brothers, one TV, do the math). Why anyone would give a fake-bisexual woman her own show in a just universe is beyond me, so I can only conclude that this is, in fact, one fucked up universe.

(Tune in tomorrow for Part 2, where the ten biggest douches of '08 will be revealed!)