Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Wherein Rolling Stone Completely Loses Their Shit

Well, it's December, which means it's time for every publication in existence to release a "Best Of" list. Rolling Stone released their list of The Top 50 Albums of '08, and all I can say is...Realy? An entire goddamn year, and this is what you could come up with? Pathetic. Don't believe me? Let's take a look at some glaring instances of stupidity.

2. Tell Tale Signs - Bob Dylan

Before you all come knocking on my door with your torches blazing and your pitchforks aimed at my junk, you might want to consider that this was a collection of Bootlegs. I think Bob Dylan is amazingly talented, but putting Dylan up here would be like putting Liz Phair on for a re-release of Exile In Guyville. I'm not saying it's a bad album, I'm just saying it doesn't belong on a list for 2008.

10. Vampire Weekend - Vampire Weekend

Okay, I'm only saying this one last time, and that's it. Would you all PLEASE shut the fuck up about Vampire Weekend already? Congrats, you listen to Vampire Weekend. Wanna talk about how overrated Juno was?

12. Guns N' Roses - Chinese Democracy

This is a classic case of the Rockroaches: Careers that just don't know when to die. The album been delayed for over a decade, and this is what we get? An overly Auto-tuned bit of pop-rock sold exclusively at Best Buy? We deserve better, assholes.

30. Duffy - Rockferry

My apologies to those who like Duffy (I've read some interviews, and she seems like a pretty sweet girl), but I can't be the only one who feels like she's just another european pop-darling cashing in on the Amy Winehouse craze before the crazy beehived bitch ODs, am I? She's charming, but I'm just saying...

39. Taylor Swift - Fearless

I have to admit a fondness for Taylor Swift, considering that she had to date the Gay Jonas Brother, but really? 39th best album of the year? I can line up all the albums I bought this year, and have my Dog sniff them out, and chances are, the one she chooses will probably be ten times better than this one. Wonder how they can fuck this one up any worse?

40. The Jonas Brothers - A Little Bit Longer

...ARE YOU FUCKING SHITTING ME? You have an entire year's worth of music, and you choose the emo version of Hanson? Fuck it. You've sold your goddamn soul, Rolling Stone. Enjoy taking it up the ass from Mickey Mouse.

Seriously, in a year which saw releases from Portishead, She & Him, Atmosphere, Sam Roberts, Jenny Lewis, Sam Sparro, Amanda Palmer, Robyn, Sia and Estelle, am I really expected to swallow this?

We can do better than this.

8 comments:

Matt the Great! said...

I think you nailed it. Rolling Stone is so out of touch with reality. I think they have a bunch of 15 year old girls picking their top albums. I can't bear to read that rag!

Good job, Mr. Feist!

Rusty said...

This is 100% unrelated to your post, but when I visited your blog one time this song I really liked started playing, but then I didn't look at what it was and could only go around with the lyric "little creepy girl" in my head and I was about to go crazy since none of the titles on your play list looked like they would have that lyric. When I came back to read this post today it started playing again and I got the name, so I'm gonna go download that now.

And the problem with Rolling Stone is that they're about POPULAR music which is generally separate from GOOD music. Not always, but generally.

Robert said...

Rolling Stone is so 90s uh!

Marra Alane said...

I think the point at which one becomes an adult is the moment they realize that Rolling Stone is not nearly as cool as they want to be.

Jeremy Feist said...

Matt: I know. Fuck Rolling Stone. This is why I read Pitchfork. Everything else can suck it!

Rusty: I know! It's a weird song, but I fucking LOVE Kerli. And exactly, popular very rarely means good.

Robert: I actually liked the 90's! They had their moments. Alanis, REM, Radiohead, Neutral Milk Hotel, Nirvana...good times.

Marra: Woohoo! Manhood! Come on, big boy hairs!

Sarah said...

What I want to know is, WHAT THE FUCKING FUCKITY FUCK IS THAT GODDAMN SHIT ASS "WAR IS OVER" SONG DOING PLAYING ON MY BELOVED JEREMY'S BLOG? Don't make me crack some nuts, honey. Turn that noise off right the hell now or I swear to fucking God I will kill Santa and put his severed head in your bed and leave his fat, bloody, headless carcass in your fireplace.

But, you know, you have Cartman's "O Holy Night" on there too, so that's good. Maybe I'll just duct tape Santa to a chair in your living room and cut him up a little, but leave him alive for you to find. Because the spirit of the holiday season fills me with motherfucking love, that's why.

MelodyLane said...

Don't even tell me that Alanis' "Flavors of Entanglement" was not on there. "Tapes" breaks my heart and it was a hell of an album.

I hate Rolling Stone.

Lainey said...

I can say with pride(?) or something, that I've never heard a Jonas Brothers song and honestly wouldn't be able to identify any of them if I fell over their lifeless bodies. Swear to God. My point is, maybe I'm old, maybe I'm out of touch and maybe Rolling Stone doesn't give a shit what I think, but...wait, you know what? I don't really have a point...I just wanted to say that I've never heard a Jonas Brothers song.

PS: Please don't let Sarah kill Santa. Thanks!