Monday, January 4, 2010

Cynthia Nixon's Bitchy Girlfriend Doesn't Like Me

So a little while back, I was asked to do an interview for Gay Porn Blog (which is about as SFW as you think it is; Meaning not very), and of course I was thrilled. It was a great interview, and Jack Shamama was incredibly nice. Anyway, one interview later, the interview was posted and there was some positive feedback and of course negative feedback. Meh, take the good with the bad I suppose, right? Anyway, it wasn't until this message that I got just a teensy bit pissed.

Oh good. Just what we need: another sexually-inexperienced teenager with 6 measly inches of dick. Somebody, alert the studios - we've got our next star!!

And maybe give a heads-up to the Pulitzer people while we're at it. He's a "writer" too... and lord knows that must be of equally, earth-shakingly brilliant quality!

Posted by: Christine Marinoni at January 1, 2010 8:33 AM

My first reaction: What the hell did I do to piss off Cynthia Nixon's girlfriend so much? Seriously, there's mean, then there's just being a flat-out cunt. Let's take this apart piece-by-piece, shall we?

Just what we need: another sexually-inexperienced teenager...

Sexually-inexperienced? Nine months ago, maybe, but now? Not so much. Hell, I've probably had more sex (Hell, I've probably had BETTER sex) than you've had in your worthless little life. And I get money for it while you couldn't even pay for it.

...6 measly inches of dick.

That's in real-life terms actually. If we're going by porn terms, I could get away with seven inches easily. Maybe even seven and a half if we're gonna go all out. But I decided not to lie about my size, and considering that the average guy has about 4.5 inches dangling between their legs, statistically speaking my "6 measly inches" as you so put it so politely is probably a lot bigger than your sad little Baynis.

He's a "writer" too...

No, actually, that's just writer, without the passive-aggressive quotation marks. You see, I'm actually an employed writer for Litely Salted. As in, a real writer. Which is more than I can say about you. But seriously, this is fun. We should do this more often. Tearing down your cunty little ramblings is fun. I enjoy exposing you for the worthless little troll you are. But nice try though. Better luck next time.


Matthew Lucas said...

The biggest question of the whole thing is why does a lesbian care about dick size?

Chez said...

You get a gold star for using cunt in adjective form.

Cynthia said...

Mon super Jeremy, It sucks, but it comes with the territory. It ticks me off that people can't voice their opinion without being nasty. So, hope your venting helped, but to your fans, friends etc.. you are still our super Jeremy and no matter what anybody says it will stay that way. :-)

Gros Bisou,

Kevin_BGFH said...

I have to wonder if the name was faked? While some lesbians do like gay male porn (though I wonder if they're actually more bi), it just seems so weird an improbable that someone marginally in the public eye would use their real name for such a rant. Just a hunch, but I suspect someone else misappropriated her name.

Anonymous said...

Remember what Cunt stands for
Can't Understand Normal Thinking

meaux said...

Well, those are some ridiculous statements on her part. Obviously, she hasn't seen your writing or your dick.

Jeremy Feist said...

Matthew: It's probably not her, but still, the coincidence is too much to pass up.

Chez: Oh come on, Cunty is the easiest asjective to use EVER. Try using it as an adverb though.

Cynthia: Awwww, thanks! It's one thing to disagree, but that was needlessly harsh.

Kevin: Meh, of course the name was faked but there was no way I was passing up that coincidence.

Anon: I always thought it stood for See You Next Tuesday...

meaux: Actually, if you read her comment the right way it seems she hasn't. Which means she's a total bitch. So fuck her.

tastyneck said...

Wait, 4.5 inches is average? I didn't know that. I'm not huge, by any stretch, but now I know why several of the women I've been with have been complimentary. And not in a patronizing way. :)