Friday, November 21, 2008

Today's News As Math Problems

See if you can figure them all out. Remembe to show all your work.

1. [(Parent's Divorce)-(Two Christmases)] x (Your Dog Died) - (Lee Pace's Eyebrows) + (Obvious Pun Involving Demise) / (There Is No God)

A. Pushing Daisies Cancelled

2. (The Nightmare Before Christmas) + (Buttons) + [(Teri Hatcher)-(Teri Hatcher's Twiggy Frame)] - (Pretentious Twilight Emos)^(Sheer Brilliance)

A. The Trailer for Neil Gaiman's Coraline, which I've watched 27 times today. Seriously? Cannot even fucking wait.

3. (Guyliner) + (Lipsyncing) x (Ill-advised breeding) - (Pubic Hair) / [(New York City)^(Disney Character)] - (Darwinism)

A. Bronx Mowgli Wentz

4. (British Royalty) + (Full Bladder) - (Port-a-Potty) / (Bad Decision making) + (Peace Sign)^[(Meat) + (2 Veg)]

A. Prince William's Penis

5. [(Conjoined Twins) - (Food)] x (Full House) + 4(Black Eye) / (Your Grandma's Curtains) + ( many Ribs)

A. Mary Kate Olsen and Mischa Barton


Marra Alane said...

- (Darwinism)

hahahahaha. Brilliant.

Also, I feel ambivalent about looking at Prince William's peen. On the one hand, I feel like it's a gross invasion of privacy, but on the other hand, it's a famous person's naughty bits. Decisions, decisions.

Robert said...

I hate Maths more than you would ever know so it is a major tribute to you jeremy that I read your equations- I love 2 of them - Prince Williams penis which I think is hysterical - who holds their dick like that when you are have a piss? Perhaps he is holding his foreskin back with one hand while the other aims!
And I love the one about shaving public hair - so sensible! and fucking sexy!

Robert said...

sorry - correction pubic not public - perhaps my spelling is as bad as my maths lol

meaux said...

Well, Robert, if you'd still been talking about Prince William, then "public hair" would have been perfectly correct.

(too obvious?)

Jeremy Feist said...

Marra & Rob: The fact that these two managed to reproduce is pretty much proof that Darwin fucked up somewhere down the line.

That being said, Prince William is famous, and rich, so I don't feel too bad. Although that is a rather strange way of holding it.

Meaux: Bada-Bum-Pish! Nope, never too obvious. I'm a sucker for the puns.