Wednesday, November 12, 2008

An Open Letter To Katy Perry

Dear Katy,

Seriously? Just stop. Pretty please?

I'm not saying you're a bad person. Really, I'm not. Obviously, you've gotten all that "God-hates-fags-bible-thumping" bullshit out of your system, so obviously you're doing something right. It's just that, well, you're kind of a gigantic idiot.

I mean really, there are a lot of women out there who are truly bisexual. These are the women who actually go out there and fall in love with other women. And it's not just some dumb fucking ploy to sell a couple records, it's because people fall in love and it's sad and beautiful and terrifying and wonderful. It's kind of a clusterfuck, really.

All your song does is say that girls only kiss girls because they want attention, or because they want to make their boyfriends happy. This is the part where I call bullshit, and say that you are a dumb fucking idiot who couldn't find your own ass with two hands and a map.

You may be wondering why the hell I'm only going off on you now, when you're crappy album has been out for something along the lines of four months. Well, the answer is this:

Oh fuck off, are you serious? What the hell do you think you're doing on the cover? Since when do we reward stupidity and the trivialization of gay culture with idolization? Cheyenne Jackson I get, Sam Sparro I get, Gene Robinson I get, but I mean really, Katy Perry? That's like lining up a row of Oscars, the dumping a steaming turd right beside them.

So in conclusion, you have no idea what you're doing, and you're only making an idiot of yourself and the gay community. Please stop doing everything.


Jeremy Feist

P.S. Your cupcake purse was stupid. STUPID!


meaux said...

Gahhh!!! That really is an appalling choice. Yeesh, who the hell's idea was that?

Off today's topic, but I love the new tattoo! I'm afraid I don't qualify for the free BJ/hug, although I may Google yesterday's post title to try to find out....

Jeremy Feist said...

Believe me, I'm confused by the choice too.

And actually, the beej/hug offer still stands. As of yet, there hasn't been an answer, so it's still anyone's game.

Rusty said...

What confuses me is that Katy Perry's best feature is her boobs (I don't even mean that in a bad way, she's got some really nice boobs) and they've got her buttoned up to her chin! If you're gonna bullshit her onto the cover, at least throw in a modest amount of cleavage to make it worthwhile.

I'm a terrible person, by the way.

Pants said...

I hope some lovely really big and angry lesbian will jump her and sit on her face until she suffocates to death. She can use a pillow of course, you wouldn't want to get those nasty Perryface-coodies on your nether regions.

Jeremy Feist said...

Rusty: I hate to admit it, but yes, Katy has a pretty decent rack. And this comes from the gayest gay in gaytown, U.S.Gay. But she's still annoying. Oh, and believe me, I've said things about Katy Perry that would get my tongue cut out in most third world countries. If anything, I'm the bad guy here.

Pants: If we're lucky, Katy will be beaten to death by REAL bisexual women sometime in the first quarter. Oh, dare to dream...And you're right, Katy germs are highly infectious, and can turn your va-jay-jay into mush. Always use protection when suffocating Katy Perry to death.