What Would The Neighbors Think? If They Only Knew...

With only three more days before I move into my first apartment, I'm currently doing the walk down memory lane that comes with packing all your belongings into various little cardboard boxes.

My God, is memory lane ever a shitty street.

Not to say I don't love and enjoy my family. Quite the contrary really. But looking back on my previous life, it's a little, oh what's the word...Oh yes, depressing. This shit is depressing. The years spent being the picture of obedience and good behavior, rarely missing class, getting good grades, never going out to parties...And look how I turned out. Kind of a far cry, isn't it?

I secretly wonder what the town will say when they find out one of their own is a gay porn star. The over-wrought displays of pity, the behind-the-back gossip, and the names. Oh, the names they'll call me...because apparently, I would be the first person to have sex in the history of Pointe-Claire.

The shame. Oh what a shame I'll be.

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't secretly thrilled about it. If I said I wouldn't be watching with schadenfreudian glee as they lined up to throw stones in their glass houses. If I said I wouldn't wear my scarlet letter with pride, while their sons and daughters themselves burned through a list of various pharmaceuticals, drove drunk and, worst of all, looked at porn. Won't somebody please think of the children?

The truth is, we're all dirty birds; I just flew the cage is all. The parents who line up in front of my door with pitchforks and torches will, invariably, have kids as fucked up as I am. The only difference is, I own my sluttiness. Deny it all you want, but the only reason anyone does anything is for sex. Advancement of the species and all; you get my drift? I'm just more upfront about it, instead of throwing up a face of moral superiority.

Hell, just look at the oh-so-proper school I went to. Right now, there are something like 700 mothers and fathers paying thousands upon thousands of dollars to send their kids to a good school. But oh, the seedy underbelly of it. Not only is the faculty largly homophobic, but the one gay teacher that I ever saw there was fired within his first year when the the heads of staff, compromised of priests and catholics, made up a story about him having an affair with a student. Apparently, the forgot to read the parts of the bible about not being a total dick.

The shame, oh what a shame I'll be.

They'll hate me once they find out, and to be honest, I absolutely can't wait. The difference between me and them is, there's not a goddamn thing they can do to me anymore. I, on the other hand, can ruin them. Who would want to send their kid to the catholic school that gay porn star came from? They'd be finished.

Sorry for the overall sense of bleakness to the post, but I've finally come to the realization that I am un-fucking-stoppable. I am a force of nature in cheap-ass jeans and a skinny, slacker frame. When my time is done, I'll have gone places, met people and done things that these people only dream about. And I'll have had fun doing it.

The shame, oh what a shame I'll be...