Well, I could do a serious post on Sri Lanka or something like that, but no. Instead I will be using my time to debate the pros and cons of things that don't exist. Honestly, if print media ran more articles about the undead, maybe they wouldn't be as totally fucked as they are right now.
To date, there have been only two vampire movies worth a flying fuck: Dracula and Let The Right One In (for the sake of my sanity, I'm just gonna pretend that the impending remake, Let Me In, doesn't exist). Other than that, it's been a sea of absolute shit, with Van Helsing and Twilight immediately springing to mind.
There is no such thing as a bad zombie movie. On top of the fantastic 28 Days and 28 Weeks, we've also had Shaun of the Dead, The Evil Dead trilogy, Dawn of the Dead...Hell, even the shitty Zombie flicks like Zombie Strippers are hilariously awesome.
Zombies, naturally. Vampire movies fucking suck. My apologies to all the out-of-touch tweens out there, but Edward Cullen is a fucking pussy.
Along with the aforementioned Van Helsing, Vamps also have a natural enemy in Buffy Summers. And of course, later on they would have an entire goddamn army of women who can kick ass on a paranormal level to deal with. And Willow. Don't forget Willow! Basically, vampires are fuh-UCKED.
There haven't been many definitive zombie-slayers, with the exception of Ash from the Evil Dead trilogy. Bruce Campbell with a chainsaw for an arm? Fuck yeah, dude.
Vampires. Let's face it: Buffy was fucking AWESOME. As much as I love me some Chainsaw-Campbell, Buffy was badass on levels never thought to have existed. Point for the vamps!
While there are a multitude of vampires from True Blood that many of you would find fuckable, let's face it: Any of that cool, forbidden charm that vampires once had has been forever lost thanks to the throngs of tweens who can't quite understand that Edward Cullen DOES NOT EXIST.
Okay, this can kinda go either way. On one hand, they're corpses. On the other hand, thus far, Jenna Jameson, Francois Sagat and Rocco Giovanni have all portrayed zombies. You cannot tell me that you wouldn't sleep with any of the above.
Zombies. Although I blame this victory on the fact that, let's face it, gay porn stars are teh sexy.
...I'll be in my bunk.
Oh Godtopus, what don't these guys have...They can fly, they can turn into bats, wolves and fog, they have super strength, they can hypnotize you, and they feed on your blood. Vampires will fuck your shit up.
Ummmmm...Well, they can survive massive amounts of pain without dying, and they can turn others into zombies, and...yeah, that's about it.
Vampires. Honestly, the perks alone are worth switching over to the undead. Who wouldn't want to be able to turn into a bat?
They may have a shit-ton of powers, but just about everything can kill a vampire. Wooden stake through the heart, decapitation, Holy water, crosses, sunlight, garlic, burning...Everything short of a cold can kill these guys off.
There is only one way to kill a zombie: Destroy the brain. Nothing else will destroy them. You can set them on fire, riddle them with bullets, hack off all their limbs, but they'll keep coming. Forever. And the screaming...Oh God, the screaming...It never stops. WHY WON'T IT STOP?
Zombies. THEY JUST WON'T STOP! WHY WON'T THEY JUST STOP?!
The Winner Is...
Zombies! Take up your mantle as the reigning champions of the undead!