Sunday, August 2, 2009

2009 in Bad Gay Porn Spoofs

Paul Art: All Cock

Synopsis: Fat ass mall cop saves the mall by fucking everyone in the mall.
Biggest Scene: The final scene where Paul Art fucks a Cinnabon cinnamon bun. Then he gets a heart attack and dies. But not before inundating the audience with fart jokes!

Watch Men

Synopsis: An all-male group of superheroes must stop Dr. Chelsea and his giant blue schlong of cancer.
Biggest Scene: The final scene where the camera moves back and forth, alternating between fast and slow motion, FOR NO DISCERNIBLE REASON.

I Fucked You, Man

Synopsis: Two guys attempt to prove how how totally not gay they are by telling gay jokes, while engaging in massive amounts of butt sex.
Biggest Scene: Bromancer 1 and Bromancer 2 play a rousing game of "Know how I know you're gay?" while Bromancer 1 is elbow-deep in Bromancer 2's Crisco-slathered anus.

Wank: High Scrotum

Synopsis: There really isn't much of a plot. It's mostly just Jason Statham fucking people in incredibly hazardous situations.
Biggest Scene: Jason Statham fucks a shark. On a bed of broken glass. In a Monster Truck. Jumping over a cliff. WHILE IT EXPLODES. STATHAAAAAAAM!!! YELL IT WHILE YOU'RE FUCKING!!!

XXX-Men Orgasms: Wolverine

Synopsis: A deep, deep look into what makes Wolverine ticks. And by "deep, deep look", I mean they literally fuck his ass with a camera.
Biggest Scene: A scat scene where the producers take a gigantic, steaming dump on the X-Men canon.

Sperminator: Salivation

Synopsis: Christian Bale talks all scratchy for about two hours while desperately fellating the audience with cheesy references.
Biggest Scene: CGI Arnold Schwarzeneger steps out onto the screen for 30 straight minutes and does nothing. The audience is expected to go apeshit.

Trans-Whore-Mers: Revenge of the Fallen in my Pants

Synopsis: MICHAEL BAY SPLOSIONS! KA-POW BAM BOOM! Also, there are some robots or something.
Biggest Scene: The entire cast is forced to wash Michael Bay's car. For no pay. The entire experience is cripplingly awkward.

Pubic Enemas

Synopsis: Johnny Depp stars in the porn about the most wanted man in America, as he flushes massive amounts of water out of his asshole.
Biggest Scene: Johnny Depp puts out a fire with the amount of water in his ass. Absolutely no one remembers anything about this movie.

(500) Lays of Summer

Synopsis: A touching story of a boy and aboy as they fuck, and then they don't fuck, and they fuck, and then they don't fuck.
Biggest Scene: The final scene where they fuck while the entire discography of The Smiths plays in the background.

4 comments:

usorthem3 said...

those are freaking funny. all the porn a growing boy needs to get by. keep it up as long as you can ;)

Robert said...

Funny compile! - but yesterday's post is still on my mind. Pain is such a bugger - I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy!
x Robert

Robert said...

PS
One of those pithy sayings that make you want to vomit comes to mind:
"It takes a minute to find a special person; an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them, but an entire life to forget them."
yuck - I know but ...
x Robert

Mareczku said...

Hi Jeremy. This is so over my head or out of my league or however you want to put it but I just thought that I would stop by and say hi. That plus I want to be underneath Robert. :) LOL

Hope that everything is good with you today.

Love & Hugs - Mark