Sunday, March 15, 2009

Kill, Fuck Or Marry: Lack Of Freakin' Sleep Edition

I think I got all of three hours of sleep last night for absolutely no discernible reason. Glurg, I do not function well at all without sleep. Gets me feelin' all stab-ey and such. Anyways, here's a new KFM to make it all better.

1. You're given a list of three people
2. You have to choose who to kill, who to fuck and who to marry.
3. Suicide is not an option.
4. You have to do it for both the men AND the women. It's purely hypothetical, so quit being such a pussy.
5. If you need help making up your mind, you can click on the name to see a pic.

Pharrell Williams, Sean “Slug” Daily or Sam Sparro?

Halle Berry, Gwyneth Paltrow or Winona Ryder?

Taylor Kitsch, Ian Somerhalder or Milo Ventimiglia?

Reese Witherspoon, Kirsten Dunst or Charlize Theron?

Jeremy Hall, Jason Ridge or Brent Everett?

Pink, Jemina Pearl or Brodie Dalle?

James Franco, Neil Patrick Harris or Russel Brand?

Leave your results in the comments.


Liz said...

I completely understand about the lack of sleep thing! Maybe a nap later?

And on to the fun:
1 fuck Pharrel, kill Sean, marry Sam
2 marry Halle (did you know she's diabetic), KILL Gwyneth, fuck Winona
3 marry Taylor, fuck Ian, kill Milo
4 marry Reese, kill Kiki, fuck Charlize
5 fuck Jeremy, marry Jason, kill Brent
6 marry Pink, kill Jemina, fuck Brodie
7 kill James, marry Neil, fuck Russel

I love doing this. It can be such a tough decision!

meaux said...

In K/F/M order:

1. The "makes meaux feel old and clueless" bracket: Daily / Williams (he looks just as douchey, but at least he doesn't call himself "slug") / Sparro (he's kind of yummy)

2. Ryder / Berry / Paltrow (oh, I know she's snobby and has been flogging that stupid GOOP thing, but for some strange reason I like her still.)

3. 'Kay, I was going to kill Kitsch (mostly because of the hype) until I looked at the picture of that Somerhalder dude. He looks like an alien tool in those glasses. So, Somerhalder / Kitsch / Ventimiglia (even though I'm probably about a dozen years too old for him).

4. Witherspoon (sorry sweetie, but you're such a high-strung Type A sort, and I'm a lazy slob. It'd never work.) / Dunst / Theron.

5. Ooh, more pretty porn stars this week! Everett / Ridge / Hall, methinks.

6. The "makes meaux feel old and clueless II" bracket (okay, I am familiar with Pink, at least): Pearl (keep your tongue in your mouth unless you're doing something productive with it, missy!) / Pink / Dalle (mmm, she is one foxy rock chick.)

7. Oh, this one is super-easy. Kill that annoying tool Brand, fuck the hell out of Franco, marry the delicious Harris, and keep Franco on hand as a fuck buddy unless I can convince Harris to stay in hetero character when he's off the set.

Anonymous said...

Oh man... There's some on that list, I would want to do all three with - fuck, kill and marry (but not necessarily in that order). And no doubt, some will kill themselves upon realizing that I either fucked or married them.

And then there's the small matter that I've already done, at least one of those things with at least one of the people on that list.

Don't bother asking. Sorry, I never **** and tell. The question, then becomes, should I do it again or choose one of the other options...?

This list is going to keep me awake now... I need a drink.


jM said...

1) Kill Sam, fuck Pharrell (fun with alliteration), marry Slug (and fuck A LOT)

2) Kill Gwyneth, fuck Winona, marry Halle (and pick all future scripts for her. Girl should not be left to her own devices)

3) Kill Ian, fuck Strokeface, marry Taylor (and do things that would make Jesus weep in jealously)

4) Kill Reese, fuck Kirsten, marry Charlize (she's African American, too!)

5) Kill Brent, fuck Jeremy (DC WOOO!), marry Jason.

6) Kill Jemina, fuck Brodie (hard and dirty), marry Pink.

7) Kill Russell, kill Russell's hair, FUCK FRANCO, marry Neil. (I agree with meaux about keeping Franco on the side. A girl's got needs that laughter just won't satisfy)

Marra Alane said...

In k/f/m order:

1. Kill Slug, fuck Pharrell, marry sam. This has nothing to do with talent, it's purely sexual.

2. Kill gwyneth because she's so fucking pretentious, fuck winona because you know she's freaky, and marry halle berry because she's gorgeous and rich.

3. I don't even know who any of these people are (except milo, who's hotness on gilmore girls will not save him this time), so purely on a physical level: Kill Milo, fuck Ian because he looks dirty, and marry taylor.

4. Kill Kirsten (is that even a question?) fuck reese, marry charlize.

5. Kill Brent, fuck Jason, marry Jeremy. He's so adorable!

6. Kill Brodie, fuck P!nk, marry Jemina.

7. This is hard! I really love neil Patrick harris, but as my girl parts freak him out, he's getting the axe. Fuck Russel, cuz he's a sex addict so you know it'll be good, and marry James Franco cuz I just want to put him in my mouth.

Jared Michael said...

Fuck: Pharrell Williams
Kill: Sean “Slug” Daily
Marry: Sam Sparro?

Marry: Halle Berry
Kill: Gwyneth Paltrow
Fuck: Winona Ryder

Kill: Taylor Kitsch
Marry: Ian Somerhalder
Fuck: Milo Ventimiglia

Fuck: Reese Witherspoon
Marry: Kirsten Dunst
Kill: Charlize Theron

Kill: Jeremy Hall
Marry: Jason Ridge
Fuck: Brent Everett

Marry: Pink
Kill: Jemina Pearl
Fuck: Brodie Dalle

Marry: James Franco
Kill: Neil Patrick Harris
Fuck: Russel Brand

Tania said...

Me too for the lack of sleep, but I know why. My bloody upstairs neighbours had a raucous party that went on til 5 am! Which made me feel very stabby. But I used sarcasm on them instead. (I don't think they got it, they are South African fratboy types.... so I also called the noise patrol..)

um, topic? OK.

Kill Sean, fuck Pharrell, marry Sam. I had no idea he was so cute!

Kill Winona (well, you could never trust her with your stuff or your drugs!), fuck Gwyneth (with a ballgag in so I wouldn't have to hear her talk), marry Halle.

Kill Milo (he's a girl-hitting douche), fuck Ian, marry Taylor. Riggins for the win! God, he's so hot, I'd like to...(*tails off into incoherent mumbling*...)

Kill control-freak Reese, fuck Kirsten, marry Charlize.

Kill Jeremy (that face...sorry, just, no), fuck Brent (for obvious, nay, protruberant reasons!), marry Jason.

Kill Jemina, fuck Brodie, marry Pink. I like her attitude!

Kill Brand before any of his diseases could get near me, fuck Franco before he od's on whatever he's on, marry NPH. OK, it would be a lavender marriage, I accept that. But he's just so cute and talented!

Anonymous said...

Kill: Sean “Slug” Daily (Who the fuck calls themselves slug, Seriously?)
Fuck: Pharrell Williams (I like tattoos, plus imagine him beat boxing on your junk. It just sounds like fun.)
Marry: Sam Sparro (a.) he's going to be uber big some day. Get him while the getting is good. b.) He's really cute, and i couldn't just fuck him and leave him.

Kill: Wionna Ryder (you know she'd try to kill you in your sleep and blame it on someone else.)
Fuck: Gwyneth Paltrow (As mentioned before with a ball gag.)
Marry: Halle Berry

Kill: Ian Somerhalder (I'm not really a fan of Lost.)
Fuck: Milo Ventimiglia (What can i say I like Italians.)
Marry: Taylor Kitsch (he's fucking Gambit! nuff said)

Kill: Kirsten Dunst (DIE BITCH!)
Fuck: Reese Witherspoon (Only if there's a 3-way with Jake Gyllenhall, otherwise she dies too.)
Marry: Charlize Theron (I'd totally flip teams for her.)

Kill: Brent Everett (He needs to eat something. I could snap that guy with a thought.)
Fuck: Jeremy Hall (just call me a size queen.)
Marry: Jason Ridge (he was the star of the first porno i ever bought so there's some nostaglia there.)

Kill: Jemina Pearl (she seems like a tool)
Fuck: Brodie Dalle (can we say strap-on?)
Marry: Pink (obvs)

Kill: Russel Brand (also a tool, one might call him a dbag)
Fuck: James Franco (he went from Pineapple Express to Milk, 2 great movies how can you not want to sleep with him?)
Marry: Neil Patrick Harris (In Boston, lots of people and he can wear the dress.)