How Bruno Gets An NC-17 While Straight Flicks Get An R
Hate to break it to anyone who thinks otherwise, but I have yet to encounter a legitimate argument as to how being gay is sinful. So far, they've all boiled down to "Well, I think gay sex is icky", which is pretty much on the same mental level of a kindergartner. So to the MPAA I say: Get the fuck off your high horse already. Basically, you're saying a movie can feature someone unloading enough lead into someone to write a textbook, but two dudes consummating their love for each other? Holy shit, everybody panic! Get over yourselves. Gay guys have been fucking each other in the ass since the dawn of time, and so far, the earth is still turning. Although to be fair, the sight of Tyler Saint in the theater may or may not incite me to catapult myself at the screen.
...Yeah, can you tell I don't have a shred of dignity to my name?
Nicolas Cage's Career
After a while, you start asking yourself how people have yet to notice that they've become a walking punchline. I'm sure he's done some pretty decent movies in the past (see: Adaptation), but now all his movies revolve around him running around with bad hair, and occasionally, punching women while dressed like a bear.
(Thanks to Cracked for being awesome)
Yup, that's right: Nicolas Cage has become a Lolcat. Get out while you still can!
Why People Don't Watch Their Goddamn Popcorn While It's Still In The Microwave
Dude, burnt popcorn is fucking DISGUSTING. It takes two friggin' minutes for it to pop, so just stand by it so that your snack doesn't turn into a fucking pile of charred suckness. No one wants to smell your nasty-ass, nasal-rapingly bad popcorn.