Looking Back On The Beginning

With the blog turning a year-old recently, I've been meaning to re-do my first-post again, wherein I list a bunch of totally useless facts about me, and since I have absolutely nothing even remotely interesting to day tonight, I figured I might as well finally get back on it. Anyways, once again, here's a bunch of random, useless shit about me...

1: In high school, my nickname was "Jer Bear", which is kind of ironic considering my body type.

2: Actually, now that I mention it, I am naturally hairy. Like, really hairy. A lot of people look good in fur, but I'm not one of them. Honestly, it looks like someone stapled a welcome mat on my chest. I'm sure one day I'll let it grow, but right now, it just looks weird on me.

3: When I'm having a bad day, I'll sometimes go to the pet store and play with the puppies. It doesn't matter how shitty I feel, puppies make me feel instantly better.


4: I'm 18, and I've STILL never done drugs. I think I once took all of ONE hit of weed, but that was about it. Yeah, I know, I'm totally boring.

5: I fell asleep watching The Matrix, Spider-Man and Lord of the Rings. The last one was in the actual theater.

6: When I was young, I used to play Super Mario World at my cousin's house all the time, which has since bloomed into a prolonged love affair with video games, as well as a deep-seated hatred for Piranha Plants.


7: The first crush I ever had (no, not Andrew, this was before that) resulted in me becoming Anorexic for five months. I still consider it to be the biggest mistake I ever made.

8: My biggest fear is dying alone. I know I'm supposed to believe in the whole "I don't need a man to validate me" thing, but come on...I've never had a boyfriend or a girlfriend! I think I'm due here. Oh, and spiders. I'm also afraid of spiders.

9: I'm not sure why, but back rubs make me sleepy, no matter what I'm doing or where I am.

10: When I was born, my grandmother said I was going to be a writer, which coincidentally, is exactly what I want to be. To be fair, she also said I was going to be quite the ladies man, so Granny is pretty much batting .500 here.

11: I was raised on Shania Twain and The Dixie Chicks, which has since resulted in a certain fondness for crappy country pop. Shut up, I'm allowed to have guilty pleasures.

12: I secretly wish I had a third nipple. I know it sounds weird, but I always thought it would be cool to walk around with extra teats.

13: I'm pretty sure I have OCD, which manifests itself as an obsession with angles and time.

14: I took piano lessons for a while when I was a kid, until I realized that taking lessons to play an instrument sucks all the fun out of it.

15: I share my real last name with a classic silver-screen actor, and almost half the time I introduce myself, they always ask if I'm related to him. I'm not.

16: I went to the same high school as Sam Roberts, and was in the same class as the cousin of one of the members from The Arcade Fire.


17: I secretly have a huge yet totally unfulfilled love of kink. You know...Leather, Whips, Chains, shit like that. I draw the line at leather hats though, because let's face it, leather hats look retarded on anyone.

18: Muscle guys make me go all weak in the knees. I'm sure Freud would say something about how it's just some unresolved daddy issue, but really, pretty biceps are just hot, aren't they?


19: I hate getting excited about anything, as the universe has this funny way of either (A) ensuring it never happens, or (B) killing someone on the day it's supposed to happen. And that's why I never get excited about anything.

20: My absolute BIGGEST pet peeve is being stood up. Hate it. Absolutely hate it. I don't care what you're doing, you could at least have the decency to let me know if your plans change instead of making me hunt you down for some fucking answers, you dick.

21: Second biggest pet peeve: Yes, I get it, I'm a twink. I know it's not everyone's cup of tea here, but stop treating me like a retarded, spoiled teenager. Yeah, you may be bigger than me, but I can still write a 1000-word dissertation on Nietzsche before you could so much as shit out a haiku. Yeah, I'm not huge. If you don't like it, feel free to go suck a fuck.

22: That being said, I occasionally watch Sesame Street. Yeah, I know it's a kids show, but come on...Muppets! It has MUPPETS! Also, how many shows do you know have had Feist, Tina Fey and Ricky Gervais as guest stars? Exactly.

23: I think The Beatles are overrated. Like, REALLY overrated. I know they're supposed to be the greatest band ever and all, but I always thought they were totally boring.

24: As a kid, I believed Bloody Mary actually existed. No, I'm not joking. I couldn't even so much as be in front of a mirror for years.


25: I hate Facebook chat. With a passion. Holy christ, if I wanted to talk to people I haven't seen in six years, I'd go to my grade school reunion.

Well, there it is. You now have a metric fuck-ton of useless shit about me. Spiffy, huh?