Thursday, February 12, 2009

The Hammer Is My Penis

Well, thanks to all for the support! It means a lot to me that you want me to take off my clothes professionally...*sniff*

Anyways, we've been devoid of an internet connection at this house for a while, so apologies on the sporadic posting. I do what I can.

Anyways, in order to train for future career, I've taken up kickboxing, my first class being tonight. I also went out and bought some minutes at a tanning salon, which with any luck, will turn my skin tone from sad little marshmallow to sexy, delicious smore.

It also occurred to me that we are devoid of $1 bills up here in Canada, instead opting for the completely fucking ridonkulous "Looney". Honestly, that's what we call it. The $2 coins are called (I shit you not) "Toonies". Wile this doesn't seem all that important, I have the ominous feeling that some drunk American will try to stick 'em in my Hot Pocket, and I'll have to rush off stage in order to crap out coinage like a busted Slot Machine. Although maybe I'm just being neurotic again. Who knows?

Anyways, I've come up with a fifteen song list I call The Strip List, to dance to. The list so far:

Metric - Dead Disco
Erykah Badu - Honey
Nine Inch Nails - Discipline
M.I.A. - $20
Atmosphere - You
Santogold - Lights Out
Kate Nash - Shit Song
MGMT - Electric Feel
Liz Phair - Fuck And Run
The Go! Team - Huddle Formation
Kings Of Leon - Sex On Fire
TV On The Radio - Wolf Like Me
Lily Allen - Oh My God
Lykke Li - I'm Good I'm Gone
Yeah Yeah Yeahs - Pin

That's it for now. To play you out, here's Wolf Hudson (Yes Marra, he of the duct tape underwear) with "I Wanna Teabag You". Cheers!


Rusty said...

For comedic value, I'd throw in "Gay Bar" by Electric Six. I've always said that if I were going to strip, I'd strip to their song "High Voltage" but I think "Gay Bar" fits your demographic a little better.

Good luck with the loonie/toonie issue. I have to tell you that, as an American, I find dollar and two dollar coins insanely convenient whenever I'm traveling but they definitely don't help in a strip club.

meaux said...

Okay buddy, I've just caught up, and you can add my vote to the overwhelming "hell yes." If you've got the confidence for it, then I say have a blast and make some money!

Oh, and I'm with Rusty--there's absolutely nothing wrong with being pale!

Robert said...

Jeremy - really the things that come out of you bum - Toonies! well come to think of it - the things that go into your bum OMG!
x Robert

dammitjanet said...

Rusty!!! "Gay Bar!!!" Oh, every time I hear that, I see Viking Kittens!!!

Jeremy Feist said...

Rusty - I've honestly never heard that song, but remind me to give it a listen.

meaux: Thanks! But honestly, my skin tone used to border on transparent. I was like one of those anatomically correct dummies you see in museums with see-through flesh so you can see all the innards.

Robert: As of yet, I have not ever crapped money. Although when I do...

dammitjanet: ...say wha?

dammitjanet said...

Jeremy, Check this out...the rest of the site is a blast, too!!

Wolf Hudson: The King of Kink said...

Hey buddy, thanks for posting my "Tea Bag" song. Take care. :)

-Wolf Hudson XXX