Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Pissing Off The Tweeners Like I'm R. Fucking Kelly


I just love making fun of The Jonas Brothers. Mostly because their fans are completely and totally off their shit and they will work themselves into a foaming-at-the-mouth frenzy should you ever be so inclined as to disagree with them in the slightest. Take for instance this conversation I had with one of my youngest brother's friends on the matter:

Me: (Passing by the TV when the Jonas Brothers come on) Ugh, why would anyone give them another dimension to be annoying in?

JoBro Fangirl: OMG WTF R U TALKING ABOUT????!?!1? THEY ARE LIKE TOTS AWSOME AND HOTTTTT!!!one!! YOU DONT NO ANYTHING K UR SO GAY STFU!!!

Me: ...I assume that was supposed to be English.

More than anything, I had to wonder what she could have possibly seen in them to begin with. I can safely rule out their music, since the high-pitched girlish screams of their fans would effectively drown out anything that even sounds remotely like music.

Which means that the only reason why they like The Jonas Brothers is because they're hot and they want to do the pre-teen nasty with them. Too bad they have purity rings, and therefore, won't be doing any Saddlebacking anytime soon (H/T to Sarah).

While I may not understand the thinking in any way, this post is really all about annoying a bunch of stupid teenagers who get way too worked up over three annoying little emos. So here it goes:

- The only reason they play their own instruments is because no self-respecting musician would actually play with them.

- They wear purity rings because they secretly suck in bed.

- Hanson was better than them. HANSON. 'Nuff said.

- They'll eventually be arrested for either possession of Crystal Meth, Kidnapping a Rent Boy, or Domestic Abuse. Or possibly a mix thereof.

- One of them got dumped by Miley Cyrus. Knowing what a cock-hungry slut she is, this takes a very special kind of suck.

- They've been nominated for the Award for Worst Band at the NME awards. So it's not just me.

- They make people EAT THEIR OWN HAIR.


Seriously, GET OVER THEM.

8 comments:

Lainey said...

"They make people eat their own hair" is easily the funniest fucking thing I've read all day! *snort*

I know nothing about the Jonas Brothers except that they have dark hair, are patently unattractive and sing or something. Seriously, that's all I'll allow myself to know. I have no idea if I've ever heard one of their songs or not and I'm totally ok with the not knowing.

PS: Your word verification is "drook". It made me giggle. But I kept typing giffle, which made me giggle harder. True story!

Rusty said...

If you want to get technical, your title should be "Pissing ON the Tweeners…" cause, you know, R.Kelly just wants to piss on you. Haters wanna hate, lovers wanna love, I don't even want none of the above I want to piss on you!

*ahem* sorry, I got nostalgic for the Chappelle Show. Carry on with the Jonas Brothers hate.

Robert said...

I hated them as much as I dislike the cast of High School Musical 3 but I loath them even more after reading your post.
x Robert

Nicolae said...

Damnit. Rusty beat me to it.

Brian Smith said...

They look like hobbits.

referencedesk said...

ZOMG BUT U *R* SO GAY!


Go read an issue of "Twist".

You'll want to hit me after you do.

Figgylicious said...

Hanson! Hell Yes!

MMM-BOP this, motherfrakkers!

Jeremy Feist said...

Lainey: I know, how funny is that? Seriously, what are you doing? He's not that hot! If you're gonna eat your own hair, at least do it for someone who won't disappear when they turn sideways!

Rusty: Pissing off, pissing on...same dif. At least with "off", I wouldn't get hits from weird people googling weird shit.

Robert: High School Musical? That's some shit for another post of angry-ness.

Nicolae: Curses! I hate when that happens. Oh well, you were the one who taught me to put JD into Coffee, so kudos!

Brian: There are a lot of LOTR fans who would disagree with you there. Angry, angry nerds...

Jay: My gayness is neither here nor there. While I won't actually read it, I did check out their website. I may have gone into epilectic shock. Either way, I'm about to punch you straight in the throat.

Figgy: MMMBOP annoys me fuckless, but then again, so do the JB...it's a draw.