Tuesday, April 7, 2009

The Fail Whale Smells And Has Fat Ankles

I hate you, Fail Whale. It's no secret that my obsession with Twitter has gotten to the point where I may or may not have pawned off my Dad's TV in order to pay for my internet connection. But of course, there's always one asshole who comes in and fucks shit up. That asshole is the Fail Whale.

Fuck you, Fail Whale! Whales are not supposed to fly, they are supposed to swim. KNOW YOUR PLACE, WILLY! And he's not even flying, he's making a bunch of fucking birds haul his fat ass around. You know what we call people like that? Mooches. And when someone's a mooch, we fart on their pillows and pee in their shampoo.

Not only is this tubby motherfucker a total ripoff artist, he also steals your profile pictures and your messages. He's like that super annoying roommate who eats all the Oreos and then doesn't bother replacing them.

I hope you choke on a chode, Fail Whale. Dick.

Oh, and because Metric's new album, Fantasies dropped today, here's their new video for "Gimme Sympathy". Cheers!


Lainey said...

I have NO idea what this means. Not a clue. I am old. And sheltered. And going to be Jeremy's stepmommy one day!

I like the song. The new cd isn't available here until the 14th, but I may have to buy it. I think I like them.

Rusty said...

God I hate that whale. I didn't know it ate anyone else's twitter updates, but I know that it eats mine.

Twitter needs to get less popular.

Robert said...

Twitter me babe!
x Robert

Sarah Booz said...

hahahaha this was one of my updates yesterday:

"Dear Fail Whale - Fuck off. You make no sense. You WANTED this many people on twitter. What the fuck is your problem?"

I feel your pain. ALSO - I wish I was on a computer with sound because OMG love Metric!

Mr. Controversy said...

The Fail Whale? What's next, a bowl of petunias named "Daisy"? Stupid improbability drive.

meaux said...

What the bejeebus is a fail whale, and why does it eat twitters? *sigh*

Lainey, doll, what say you and I go hang out on the porch swing and rattle on about them kids these days?

Jeremy Feist said...

Lainey: Seriously? Please don't have sex with my Dad. That's just gross.

Rusty: Nope, it ate my shit too. Fucking Whale.

Robert: You can tweet on my twat any day! Wow that sounds really dirty.

Booz: Seriously, it's not like Facebook imploded when everyone started joining, what's Twitter's excuse?

Mr. C: Damn, how do you know about Daisy?! She was gonna be a surprise and everything...

meaux: Seriously, what is it with you girls? You're not old! Old people don't have boobies like yours!

meaux said...

*bwahaha* Thanks, Jeremy, that just made my drunken, revelrous (is that a word?) night! I'm taking these divine puppies to bed now!