Sunday, April 5, 2009

Kill, Fuck, Or Marry: Cats Are Fucking Weird Edition

What does this post have to do with cats? Absolutely nothing. But cats are fucking weird, aren't they? I mean, they steal stuff, sometimes they puke on your floor for no apparent reason...what the fuck is your deal, cats? Anyways, here are the rules and such.

1. You're given a list of three people
2. You have to choose who to kill, who to fuck and who to marry.
3. Suicide is not an option.
4. You have to do it for both the men AND the women. It's purely hypothetical, so quit being such a pussy.
5. If you need help making up your mind, you can click on the name to see a pic.

Simon Pegg, Demetri Martin or Seth Green?

Uma Thurman, Angelina Jolie, or Milla Jovovich?

Shane Frost, Dean Coxx or Leo Giamani?

Kylie Minogue, Lady Gaga or Annie?

Brandon Flowers, Caleb Followill or Pete Wentz?

Kristen Stewart, Elisha Cuthbert or Lacey Chabert?

Joel McHale, Jimmy Fallon or Conan O’Brien?

Leave your answers in the comments!

7 comments:

Rusty said...

Kill Demetri Martin (I'm least familiar with him), fuck Simon Pegg, Marry Seth Green (we could share clothes!)

Kill Milla (low girl on the totem pole, nothing personal) Fuck Uma, Marry Jolie (I think she's awesome and I occasionally feel like I'm the only person who still does. Besides Brad Pitt.)

Kill Shane, fuck Dean, Marry Leo

Kill Wentz, Fuck Flowers, Marry Followill after I get him to eat something

Kill Lacy, fuck Stewart, Marry Cuthbert

Kill Fallon, fuck McHale and Marry Conan (that was a real toss up for the last two, but I have to marry Conan if only for the Monorail episode of the Simpsons. Also I hear he's completely unbalanced, so it'd always be interesting!)

Sarah said...

1. Kill Demetri Martin, fuck Simon Pegg and marry Seth Green.

2. Kill Angelina Jolie (she looks very brittle and I don't particularly enjoy children), fuck Uma Thurman and marry Milla Jovovich.

3. I don't know who any of these people are. I'd call Jeremy for advice and do whatever he told me to do.

4. KILL LADY GAGA IN THE HEAD, fuck Annie because I don't know who she is but she looks cute, and marry the hell out of Kylie Minogue because I heart her very much.

5. Kill Pete Wentz and then engage the services of a paranormal specialist to raise him from the dead so I can kill him again (some more, possibly several times), then call Jeremy for advice about the other two because I don't know who they are.

6. Kill Kristen Stewart and set her jackassy corpse ON FIRE, possibly also kill Elisha Cuthbert without even fucking her first, then fuck Lacey Chabert and leave her at the altar.

7. Kill Jimmy Fallon, then spend the rest of my life attempting to convince Joel McHale and Conan O'Brien that love can make it work between all three of us.

shawn said...

Kill Seth Green (heʻs irritates the fuck outta me) Fuck Demetri Martin just so i can Marry Simon Pegg!

Kill Jolie, Fuck Milla and Marry Uma just in case Jolie pulls some zombie bitch move and comes back after me!

Kill Shane, Fuck Leo and Marry Dean

Kill Lady Gaga before the queens kill her for me. Fuck Annie cause i always liked her as a little orphan and Marry Kylie cause if she can still look as good as she does and still rock it as hard as she does she must be da shit

Kill Pete Wentz for the dorky tattoo he has, Fuck Flowers and Marry Followill so he can play me some guitar

Kill that Twilight bitch and help reduce the population of miserable teens as they follow suit en masse once word gets out that she be dead. Fuck Cuthbert and Marry Lacey Chabert cause she looks like she can cook a mean meal!

The last oneʻs a tough one. I wanna kill both Joel McHale AND Jimmy Fallon. Decisions, decisions. Ok, fuck McHale, Fallonʻs gotta go just for making the ultimate douchebag face...shoot um in the mouth, the mutha fuckin mouth. Oh yeah, marry Conan cause he prolly be hung like a horse

BTW Mr. Feist, couple of yer links are broke: Conanʻs pic & Annie

meaux said...

Cats ARE fucking weird. But they're also fucking cute--so they can get away with it.

Speaking of fucking, in K/F/M order:

1. Martin (just 'cause I don't know him)/Pegg/Oh-good-godtopus-yes Seth Green.

2. If we're talking current Jolie, then Jolie/Jovovich/Thurman. If we're talking vicious sex-fiend Jolie of yore, then reverse the first two positions (and commence many, many positions with old-school sexpot Angie).

3. Frost/Coxx/Giamani. Not a bad crop in this bracket, Jeremy!

4. Gaga (the fuck kind of name is that, you faux low-rent knockoff of an almost equally annoying pop tart?)/Minogue/Annie (never heard of her, but she's cute and didn't inflict Locomotion on us).

5. Wentz (gah!)/Followill/Flowers

6. Uhh...Chabert/Cuthbert/Stewart. She may make out with dumbass sparkly vampires in the movies, but seems like a mellow gal.

7. Not at all familiar with McHale, so him/Fallon (maybe not the greatest comedian, but he seems like a nice guy, and he's cute)/O'Brien.

Dr Jared said...

Marry: Simon Pegg
Fuck: Demetri Martin
Kill: Seth Green

Kill: Uma Thurman
Fuck: Angelina Jolie
Marry: Milla Jovovich
(this one was hard, cause I would actually go straight for these women only. Curse you jeremy!!!)

Kill: Shane Frost
Fuck: Dean Coxx
Marry: Leo Giamani
(horrible selection this time...i'd kill em all, but have sex with Leo beforehand)

Marry: Kylie Minogue
Fuck: Lady Gaga.
Kill: Annie

Marry: Brandon Flowers
Fuck: Caleb Followill
Kill: Pete Wentz

Fuck: Kristen Stewart
Kill: Elisha Cuthbert
Marry: Lacey Chabert

Marry: Joel McHale
Fuck: Jimmy Fallon
Kill: Conan O’Brien

jM said...

Kill: Demetri Martin
Fuck: Seth Green
Marry: Simon Pegg

Kill: Milla Jovovich
Fuck: Uma Thurman
Marry: Angelina Jolie

Kill: Dean Coxx (that is Jersey hair)
Fuck: Leo
Marry: Shane

Kill: Gaga
Fuck: Annie
Marry: Kylie

Kill! Kill! Kill!: Wentz
Fuck: Flowers (I bet he cries)
Marry: Followill (and he must serenade me on command, amongst other things)

Kill: Stewart
Fuck: Chabert
Marry: Cuthbert (and give her a stern talking to about Captivity)

Kill: Fallon (with fire)
Fuck: Joel McHale
Marry: Conan O'brien (our kid will be one giant freckle that tends to spontaneously break out in dance)

Cats can be weird.

browncoat said...

I know this is an old post, but I'm so bored...

Kill Simon Pegg
Fuck Demetri Martin
Marry Seth Green!!!

Kill Angelina Jolie
Fuck Mila Jovovich
Marry Uma Thurman (meh)

Kill Dean Coxx
Fuck Leo Giamani
Marry Shane Frost

Kill Lady Gaga
Fuck Annie
Marry Kylie Minogue (eww)

Kill Pete Wentz
Fuck Caleb Followill
Marry Brandon Flowers

Kill Kristen Stewart
Fuck Lacey Chabert
Marry Elisha Cuthbert (least favorite choice ever)

Kill Jimmy Fallon
Fuck Joel McHale
Marry Conan O'Brien