Monday, April 6, 2009
It's A Midlife Crisis, Charlie Brown!
Remember how I totally made fun of my mom for putting the final nail in her coffin of bring a super righteous bitch by making a facebook page for our dog? Well, my Dad managed to one up her in the "Oh sweet Jesus, please let me be adopted" department today: He tried adding me on facebook. From what I can tell, my Dad is going through a Midlife Crisis.
I wish I could say this has been the first time this has happened, but it isn't. To date, he's on his third midlife crisis so far. The first one occurred during the divorce, so basically, instead of getting a totally bitchin' sports car for me to joyride in, he got a divorce lawyer. And a supergay dragon tattoo. Apparently, he's devoid of the gene that lets him feel shame or embarrassment.
The second occurred last year, when Dad decided to pick up a pair of trophy girlfriends. At the same time. Super. And once again, NO SUPER BITCHIN' SPORTS CAR. Seriously, if you're going to inflict the psychological equivalent of waterboarding on your children, could you AT LEAST get something shiny, expensive and easily destructible?
And now, we've come to crisis #3. Not only has he joined Facebook, but he's also started tanning and whitening his teeth. I mean, yeah, I've started tanning to, but the difference is, I'm not old and decrepit.
On the plus side, when I finally end up going to see a shrink for the sheer amount of mental fuckery he's forced on me, at least I can stick him with the bill. Fucker owes me a solid.