Wednesday, January 21, 2009

I'm Good, I'm Gone

Okay, so things started off kinda weird today. Since my first class today is actually online, I had to catch the bus for my *NEW* first class. Anyways, hopped on the bus, found myself a seat, and five seconds later, guess who's sitting in across from me?

Andrew. Yay?

It's never pleasant coming face to face with your past, and it's even less pleasant when you do it literally. Thankfully, I haven't shaved in a couple weeks, so he didn't really recognize me. Anyways, I had to options:

1) Say hi, make friendly small talk, move on with my life

2) Open up my copy of Fluke, hide behind it, pretend I didn't see him

You can pretty much guess which one I went with, huh? The weird thing is, once I got off the bus, I felt pretty good, like I was over all my stupidity. I felt pretty good about myself, really.

Then I tripped on the stairs and face planted.

If my clumsiness is any indication, I guess I'm still not quite over him. But, you know, I'm getting there. I think. I mean, as much as I hope I'll eventually look at him and wonder what I ever saw in him like Stacey said, I don't really want to. I'm not sure what I felt, but at least it was something, and it meant something. Or maybe I'm just reading too much into this, who knows? I'll figure it out eventually.

But my clumsiness doesn't end there. About ten minutes later, I was picking up some coffee before class and walking out the front door of the shop when the door closed on one of my bag straps. I immediately snapped whiplashed backwards, smacked the back of my head against the door and managed to embarrass myself not only to those inside, but those outside too. Needless to say, I'm going to Second Cup from now on.

After my first class, I decided to swing by the Apple Store to pick up a new set of ear buds, since the left one decided to conk out on me. This is pretty much the first time I ever went here, so I didn't really know what I was in for. All I can say is, Apple Store employees are some of the most miserable fucking people EVER. At least, the fucker I got. Seriously, I was looking for the ear phones on the big ol' wall of accessories when this guy came over and asked me in the most exhaustive tone ever "Can I HELP you?"

So I just told him I was looking for the ear buds, and he made this big show of pointing them out, and then bringing them over to the register. You'd think with the sheer amount of ennui he put into it, I had just walked in and asked him to build me a custom Mac from scratch using paper clips and tape. Seriously, get over yourself. It's Apple for fuck's sake, let it go.

And just to cap off my day of fuckery most foul, on the way home from class, I got a call from Granny Chick. As the resident baker of the family, I'm the one she goes to when she needs cookies. Anyways, since there really isn't a good way to make this sound not completely crazy, here's the general conversation we had.

Me: Hello?

Granny Chick: Hello, Jeremy! How are you?

Me: Can't complain, you?

GC: Oh I'm fine, thank you. Now, I need you to do me a small favour.

Me: Oh, sure thing. What do ya need?

GC: Oh, you're a good lad, Jeremy. I was wondering if you could make some cookies for my hooker party.

Me: (Momentary pause to process what my 80-year old grandmother just said) I'm sorry, you're what?

GC: My hooker party. I'm having some friends over this weekend, and we're going to be hooking rugs.

Me: Oooooh. Yeah, you probably could have picked your words a little better there, Grandma.

Oh, how I love my 80-year old Hooker Grandma. Anyways, I'll play you out with this fucking awesome video for The New Pornographers' "Mutiny, I Promise You". Cheers!

5 comments:

Matt the Great! said...

Haha, OK first I think you should have spoken to Andrew. How do you know he didn't recognize you? You are living next door to him for fuck sake. If he did recognize you he may think you are a total ass now. But, on the other hand, he didn't speak to you either. So either he didn't recognize you or you are both total asses. So either way, it is a win-win situation, LOL.
And please tell your 80 yo hooker Grandma I said hello. What is hooking rugs anyway???

Rusty said...

Dude, one of the reasons I need to get out of my parent's house is that I'm perpetually mortified that anytime I go somewhere in this town I'm going to run into my high school ex. I even switched pharmacies, cause I once dropped off a prescription and bam, there he was at the pharmacy counter. I'm super mature. I'm just grateful I wasn't refilling my birth control prescription, that would've been SUPER awkward.

Also, y'all got the ghetto Apple stores. Our Apple store doesn't even have registers anymore, all the employees just carry these blackberry looking things that scan the product, your credit card, and print a receipt. It's streamlined INSANITY.

Robert said...

Love hurts Jeremy. Emotional scar tissue is the worst dude!
x Robert

meaux said...

"Fuckery most foul"...heehee, love that phrase...so, I take it you're enjoying Fluke? I know this is a stupid question to ask about a Moore book, but did you get to the weird part yet?! (If you don't know what I'm talking about, trust me--you didn't get to it.)

Oh, Jeremy. That sounds like one hell of a crazy day. Yeah...if it were me, I'd have gone with Option 2 as well, mostly because I'd be terrified that a) I was mistaken, or b) the other person will have forgotten who I was.

*sigh* Second Cup...I am jealous. We don't have one in all of Cape Breton. Halifax is the closest, and I can't quite manage a 10-hour detour on my way to work in the morning. Rats.

Jeremy Feist said...

Matt: Yeah, I kinda wanted to talk to him, but kinda didn't. Something about him that makes me go all undecidey-like.

Rusty: Okay, I probably wouldn't go that far, but being around him gives me that feeling like stomach is doing a happy little plink-o drop down my insides. Which was the same feeling I had back when we worked together...

AW, SHIT.

Robert: Indeed it does. But chances are considering the insane amount of of stupidity on my part that day, I may have a couple physical scars too. Go me!

Meaux: I am loving THE SHIT out of Fluke right now. And yeah, I think I just hit the weird part today. And that may have been part of the reason I went with 2. I mean really, what would I say? "Hi! When you left, I turned into a weepy ass emo bitch for a week. How are you?" Yeah, skip that thank you very much. I will have to send you some Second Cup stuff then!