Who's Ready For Some Random, Spur of the Moment Porn?

I know as a porn star there really shouldn't be too much that surprises me at this point, but I have to say, yesterday was...something.

I was at Adonis, hustling $15 cock teases from guys in their fifties when my cell went off, marking the first (and probably only) scenario in which Feist's "Mushaboom" will be heard in a strip club. Since I was already on duty, I chose to ignore it. Then the fucker went off again, so I grabbed my inordinately expensive Jack and Coke and hurried my pasty slacker ass upstairs into the break room. What happened next was step one of the weirdness.

"Hey Jeremy, this is Pierre. Listen, we're shooting a scene and the bottom didn't show up. Wanna shoot a scene for Julien?"

Even through the overly loud Lady Gaga track playing below, the shitty reception and a pounding headache, I could tell Pierre's demeanor had gone from the usual cucumber cool to red hot chili pepper, and I had the distinct feeling that if I declined, his head might explode. While the idea of seeing Pierre go all scanners was sorely tempting (you have to admit, that would be kinda cool), I realized that (A) They really needed a model, (B) I needed the money, and (C) it is damn near impossible to scrub gray matter out of a carpet. "Sure, let me just see if I can get out of my shift."

"Don't worry about it. Just give him a twenty and say it's an emergency or something." (Which, to be fair, it sort of was.) Ten minutes and one poorly-translated, hastily-thrown-together excuse later, I was in Julien's apartment. While Julien fiddled with the lights and Nico (the model that actually DID show up) grabbed a cig, Pierre brought me into the bathroom to show me the finer points of...let's just call it cleansing.

Unlike me, it appeared Julien had invested in a spiffy little shower hook-up that allowed you to to get the job done in pretty much record time, as opposed to me, who just grabs a removable showerhead and goes to town. Unfortunately, Pierre showed me one setting that looked like it could be used to either put out a fire or control an angry mob. I probably would have shit my pants if I was actually wearing any.

Ten very awkward minutes later, I was on someone else's bed doing the nasty with a straight guy for the second time in the space of a week (I may or may not have given myself a high-five for the roll I was on). While the entire thing went off with minimal hitches, Nico did have a thing for spanking, which resulted in stop-light red hand marks on my ass, which Pierre found hysterically funny. Not to worry, I've made a mental note to stock up on things I can make fun of him with. Pierre, if you're reading this, consider yourself fairly warned.

Anyways, all in all? Not a bad night. I made exponentially more with Julien than I would have at Adonis for even less work. Not to bad, considering I was thrown in their at the last minute, so fuck yeah! Anyways, to play you out for today, here's Feist with The Park. Cheers!