Dear Carrie Prejean,
How are you? Okay, good good, glad to hear it. Alright, listen honey...I know you're not that smart. I mean, let's face it, you're a beauty pageant contestant. Most people in that field are lucky if their IQ isn't in the negatives.
Which is why I'm here to help you. There's obviously a lot of things you don't understand. Like Freedom of Speech, or the definition of "persecution", or where the sun goes at night. I'm gonna try and make these as clear as possible for you.
Alright, Freedom of Speech...that doesn't apply ONLY to you here. Listen, you have every right in the world to say that an entire group of people don't deserve the same rights and privileges as you do because of something you read in a very old book. Honestly, go right ahead. But here's the thing: People are also allowed to say other things too. For example, I can say that you're a talentless butterface with fake, wonky tits. See that? Freedom of Speech.
Now, about that whole "Christians are persecuted" bit? Not quite. If someone disagrees with you, that's not persecution. Now, if they started taking your rights away because of how you thought, THEN it's persecution. So yeah, please don't bitch and moan about how you guys are persecuted. Has anyone ever voted to take away you're right to get married? No? Then shut the fuck up, you stupid bitch.
Hopefully, that cleared everything up for you. If you ever need anything else, just take a long walk of a short pier. Thanks doll!
xox, Jeremy Feist